The Breaking Point
by malloysgirl
Summary: Emergency/Adam-12 The actions of a gunman cause everyone and everything in his path to reach their breaking point, bringing physical and emotional wounds to the surface, with devastating results. Will everyone have the strength to pull through?


Disclaimer: These licensed characters do not belong to me or to the co-author of this story. We have only borrowed them for the purpose of creating a piece of literary enjoyment for ourselves as well as other Emergency/Adam-12 fans. For background on Pete/Jillian relationship, refer to stories by rookiegirl on the Adam-12 fanfiction site.

"The Breaking Point"

It had been a quiet morning at Station 51 and after the shift duties had been assigned and completed, the crew began to settle into their own ways of passing the time until the next call. Captain Stanley was going over the duty logs to make sure they were up to date, Marco was preparing lunch, Mike was doing some extra polishing on the engine, and Chet was working a cross word puzzle.

Roy and Johnny were pulling in from their second uneventful call of the day. The first call had been a waiting groom that had hyperventilated; this call was nothing more than a college student with a sprained ankle from a touch football game.

"This is going to be a long shift!" Johnny commented as he and Roy exited the squad.

"Don't say that Johnny or you will jinx us. I just have a funny feeling that we haven't even seen a glimpse of what we will have to deal with today."

"Oh come on Roy, not that intuition, premonition or lucky rabbits foot or whatever you want to call it, again."

"I'm telling you Johnny, something is brewing; I can feel it."

"Oh that's the coffee brewing; I just put on a fresh pot." Chet called out, hearing only part of the conversation as they entered the kitchen.

"What are you talking about Chet?" Johnny questioned.

"Johnny, Roy asked 'What's brewing'?"

"No I didn't."

"Look guys, I distinctly heard you say that something is brewing."

"Oh, Chet that is not what I was talking about."

"Then what were you talking about?"

"OH never mind. Did you guys have any calls while we were taping up an ankle?"

"No John, we have just been sitting here waiting with breathless anticipation for you to return." Chet commented, needling Johnny, yet once again and getting the standard response of "Shut up, Chet!"

Roy once again felt the need to intervene between the two and explained "I was saying Chet, that I just have this funny feeling that something big is brewing for today."

"Oh I see, well you two have already been on two calls this morning."

Agitated, Johnny began to answer him when the tones sounded. Judging from the number of klaxons that were activated, this was what Roy had been anticipating all morning.  
_  
Sam Lanier's voice _"Station 51, Truck 10, engine 127. Structure fire, at the library, corner of Third and Fetterly. Third and Fetterly, Time out 11:42."

As the men rushed to their stations, Captain Stanley copied the information as he picked up the mic and responded "Station 51 KMG-365" and then handed Roy the address and headed to join the engine crew.

Johnny looked at Roy "A library, in July; that will probably mean kids."

"Yeah" was Roy's only reply as he headed the squad out of the bay, leading the engine toward the waiting fire. He wondered to himself, _Wonder how a fire would have started there, _but drove the distance in silence.

*********

_Just prior to the fire department receiving the call at the library…_

_There's no way I'm going to prison for embezzlement! They won't have any evidence to back up their charges when I'm finished torching this place. That'll show them. They can't mess with Carl Singer! _The deranged former order clerk of the L.A. County Public Library had just struck a match and was about to drop it into the drawer of accounting files when he heard the door of the office open up. Quickly distinguishing the match and then dropping the evidence into the open drawer, he stood up quickly to confront the unwelcome intruder.

He could smell the woman's perfume, before he could see her walk into the inner office where he was standing, over the open drawer. _No, not Sandra! Why did it have to be Sandra? She was the only one of my co-workers that stood behind me faithfully during the entire time they were grilling me about the over-abundance of materials ordered and returned, yet without a paper trail for the reimbursement of funds._ Frantically looking around for a place to hide, but finding none, he just stood there, waiting for what he knew was coming next.

"Carl! What are you doing? Get away from that filing cabinet. You're not even supposed to be here. If you get caught here, you'll be in even more trouble. Just leave before someone comes in and finds you. Please, Carl…go, now" pleaded Sandra Jones, an ex fellow co-worker.

"Sandra, please, just turn around and leave right now. Pretend that you never even saw me here today. Please; if you do, I won't have to hurt you. Just let me do what I came here to do…I can't go to jail…I just can't. Lilly is threatening to run home to her parents since I lost my job…I can't go to prison, too; I just can't."

"Carl, I don't know what it is that you think you can do to stop the Board of Directors from pressing charges. They caught you embezzling money from the library materials fund. You had to know that it would be discovered at some point."

"But don't you see? If I destroy the evidence, they won't have anything to back up their accusations…and I won't go to prison. Lilly won't leave me; I'll get my job back…maybe even make them give me a raise for all of the trouble they've put me through; and life will be just like it always has been."

As he talked, he became more and more agitated, frightening Sandra to the point that she was sure that she no longer knew what this man in front of her was capable of. She was beginning to become a bit frightened. "Carl, please, be reasonable, just…"

"I SAID LEAVE!" shouted Carl, his face turning beet red.

"No, Carl, I can't let you do whatever it is that you came here to do. You are already in enough trouble, the way it is." Picking up the phone, Sandra dialed the operator and asked to be connected to the Los Angeles Police Dept.

"Hang up the phone, now" Carl growled in a low, scathing voice, as he pulled out a handgun and pointed it at Sandra.

Blanching as she slowly put down the receiver, Sandra could only pray that this was a bad dream and that any time now she would wake up and find out that this whole scene was not happening. However, she knew that was not the case.

"Carl, please…put the gun down and…"

"Shut up and sit down."

"Carl…"

"I said SHUT UP and SIT DOWN!" As he started pacing fitfully, rage building in his features, he turned toward Sandra and began ranting "15 years! I gave this place 15 years of my life; day in and day out, I came to work, whether I felt good or not, and this is the thanks that I get….I get fired, I get accused of embezzlement; and now…now they want to send me to prison….well, I am NOT going! Do you hear me…I AM NOT GOING TO GO TO PRISON."

Sandra, not wanting to anger him any more than what he already was, just sat there in disbelief as she silently prayed that someone in one of the outer offices had come back from lunch and heard the chaos, and called the police.

As Carl continued to pace, Sandra sat there, staring at the floor. It seemed as though hours had passed, when in reality, it had only been mere minutes. Not wanting to anger him, yet feeling a need to try something, she quietly ventured, "Carl, I thought we were friends. You showed me the ropes my first day here…remember how timid and shy I was…you told me not to worry about anything…you'd help me settle in and see to it that I knew exactly what to do. We're friends, Carl; friends don't threaten friends and make them feel scared…that's what I feel right now, Carl; I'm scared, please just put the gun down."

Both subjects were too pre-occupied to notice the thin trail of smoke coming from the bottom drawer of the cabinet.

********

Having just come back from lunch, the Payroll clerk, Becky Sloan, heard yelling coming from the Clerk of Orders office. She immediately recognized the voice of Carl Singer, screaming about not going to prison. She also heard the quiet voice of Sandra Jones, pleading with him to put down his gun. _Oh my God! I have to call the police…he's crazy…he's going to kill Sandra._

Quickly, Becky called the police and told them what she had heard. She then called the Director's office, and told him that the police were on their way.

********

Officer Pete Malloy and his partner and best friend of nearly four years, Officer Jim Reed, had just cleared from their lunch break and were pulling out into the mid-afternoon traffic, making small talk as they drove down the street, with watchful eyes.

"So, uh, how's Jillian feeling, these days, partner?"

"Oh, she's feeling great. The morning sickness is behind her and she's back to sleeping like a rock; she still eats some weird things at times, but for the most part, she's back to her old self."

"Hey, that's good news. You know, now that Jimmy is going to be turning three in a couple of weeks, Jean's starting to get those 'baby blues' again."

"And just what do you plan on doing about it?"

"Well, we both agreed that we want at least a couple more kids, I just don't know if the time is right; you know what I mean?"

"No, I don't know what you mean."

"What? What do you mean; you don't know what I mean?"

"I mean, I don't know what you mean. We don't get to choose when we have children, Jim; we just have them when we have them. That's just how it is when you're married."

Pete dared not look at Jim, he knew that his partner was staring at him in disbelief and he could almost picture the look on his face.

_Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep…_

The dispatcher's voice came over the air, "Any unit in the vicinity, and One Adam-12, Hostage situation inside the public library, corner of Third and Fetterly. Perpetrator is a former employee, reported to have a gun, holding another employee hostage. Director will meet you at the front desk. One Adam-12, handle code three."

"One Adam-12, roger."

"One Adam-14 to dispatch; responding with Adam-12 from 1200 block Maplewood."

"One Adam-14, 10-4."

"One Adam-12 to dispatch; have One Adam-14 meet us on Tac 2."

"Copy that; One Adam-14, meet One Adam-12 on Tac 2."

Meeting on Tac 2 with Wells and Brinkman, plans were made for Adam-14 to cover the rear exit of the building, while Adam-12 was to go in through the front and meet with the complainant.

As they neared the library, Pete stated the unspoken words that his partner was thinking. "There's bound to be a library full of people; probably mostly kids. I hope this guy doesn't come out blasting before we get the place cleared."

Deep in thought about the same thing, Jim replied, "Yeah," and as they pulled up in front of the library, "One Adam-12, show us code six, Third and Fetterly.

"Copy that One Adam-12."

Just as they were exiting the cruiser, Adam -14 was pulling up, Pete waved them on around back as he and Jim headed toward the main entrance. Once inside, they were greeted by a nervous looking little man, in a gray suit.

"Sir, I'm Officer Malloy and this is Officer Reed. We received a call regarding a hostage situation."

"Oh, yes; I'm Mr. Hamby, the Library Director. I am so glad that you arrived so quickly. He's holding an order clerk hostage in the back office."

"Who is, Sir?" questioned Jim.

"Carl Singer; up until about two weeks ago, he was an order clerk, but we found out that he was embezzling money from the library and he was let go. We have charges pending against him and I guess he's very angry. One of our other employees came back from lunch and heard him yelling at the other order clerk and then heard the clerk ask him to put his gun down. You have to do something; I don't think that he is mentally stable."

Pete and Jim exchanged a quick look before Pete turned his attention back to the man in front of him, "Sir, can you show us where Singer is?"

"Yes, Officers; he's in the back offices, just through those doors and to the left." Mr. Hamby pointed to set of heavy looking glass doors.

"Is there any other way to the back office?" Pete inquired.

"Well, there is a rear entrance, off of the alley…but it is kept locked from the inside. It's only used as an emergency exit."

"Do you have key for the outside lock, Sir?" Jim asked.

"Well, no Officer, I'm afraid we don't. You see, this is an older building, and that door hasn't been used as an entrance for so long…I'm afraid that we just don't have the key anymore; and if we do, I don't know where it would be kept, to tell you the truth. The employees stopped using that door long before I became the Director here."

Once again exchanging glances with Jim, "I think we'd better get Mac on the horn and let him know what we have. Looks like the only way in, is a direct path, right into the hands of a madman."

"Yeah, and he has a clear view of exactly what we're doing."

Turning again to Mr. Hamby, "Sir, you are going to have to clear everyone out this building as quickly and as quietly as possible. We don't want to tip Singer off that we are here."

"Oh, yes sir, anything that I can do to help, just let me know."

"Just work on getting all of the people out of here as quickly as possible; we'll handle the rest."

Heading out to the main circulation desk, Jim asked, "Is there a phone I can use?"

"Yes, right over here, at the desk."

Jim picked up the phone and quickly put in a call to Mac, to advise him of the situation. After a few minutes, he hung up and turned to Pete, "Mac's on his way down with the tear gas. He wants us to evacuate the building of civilians and hold tight."

Nodding his head in understanding and looking around, Pete estimated that there were at least forty to fifty people, both adults and juveniles, in the library at that time. "Better let Wells and Brinkman know what's going on."

"Got it." Jim was heading through the main doors toward the cruiser when the fire alarm system triggered, causing everyone in the library to only momentarily stop what they were doing.

Noticing that nobody seemed in a hurry to evacuate after hearing the alarm, Pete turned a questioning look toward the director, who only shook his head and said, "It's probably just some unsupervised juvenile setting off the fire alarm. It happens at least once a week…our regular patrons know that it's nothing serious."

"Just the same, we need to get these people moving out of here. Is there a P.A. system?"

"Yes, just pick up and hit the 'intercom' button and then you can be heard."

Picking up the receiver and punching the intercom button, "Your attention please; the fire alarm has been activated, at this time, everyone needs to proceed to the nearest exit in an orderly fashion."

From somewhere off in the stacks of books, a woman screamed "OH MY GOD! THERE'S SMOKE COMING OUT….FIRE…FIRE…THE LIBRARY IS ON FIRE!"

Running down the stacks, toward where the scream came from, Pete could see heavy smoke coming through the ventilation grates in the wall. Running to the main entrance he yelled for Jim to call for the fire department.

********

_Meanwhile, in the Clerk of Orders office…_

"Carl, I smell smoke…what did you do?" Sandra asked.

"I didn't do anything…I was going to torch the files, but you had to walk in and ruin that plan before I could."

Looking past Carl, Sandra could see the smoke billowing up from the bottom drawer of the file cabinet. "Oh my God, Carl, you really did start a fire! We have to get out of here!"

Carl, not believing how fortunate his luck was, just laughed and said, "Well, I guess there must have been some spark left in that match that I dropped when you came in, after all. No…we aren't going anywhere until I know that the evidence is all gone. We're just going to sit here and watch those files go up in smoke…or should I say, fire?"

Sandra started to get up, "Carl, are you crazy? If the fire doesn't kill us, the smoke will. Do you have any idea how old the carpeting is in this building? If it catches fire, we won't be able to get out…."

Carl forcefully pointed the gun aggressively in her direction, "Just shut up and stay seated! That cabinet is clear across the room from us and the fire…" Carl never finished his sentence; as he looked back at the file cabinet, he could see that the carpet around it had caught fire and it was quickly spreading throughout the room, eating through everything in its' path.

Yanking Sandra up by the arm and pushing her in front of him toward the door, he said "Let's go….," as he held the gun to her back and walked close behind her toward the double door leading into the main library.

Just as they approached the glass doors, he caught a glimpse of a blue uniform running past the stacks, and thought, _Cops!…Just what I didn't need! I can't go out there, they'll catch me for sure….the back door…_ But in looking back, Carl could see that the back door was out of question, as well, there was a blazing wall of fire between he and it, and the fire was quickly coming closer.

Sandra screamed as Carl grabbed her and pulled her back away from the glass doors that offered safety. "Shut up! I need to think!" He yelled, as he frantically shook the gun in her direction while running his other hand through his hair.

"Carl, please….please don't keep me in here Carl….please Carl, my children need me…please…." Sandra began sobbing.

As desperate as he was at that moment, something in the way she was pleading with him and talking about her children touched his heart. "Go…go on….get out of here." He sighed, lowering his gun.

Sandra slowly backed away from him, never taking her eyes off of the gun, lowered at his side. After several steps, she turned and ran as fast as she could, pushing open the heavy double doors and running into the main part of the library, screaming all the while "He's got a gun, he's got a gun." In her panic, she ran right into Jim, who had come back inside to help with the situation.

"Officer….you've got to get him…he's got a gun…he's going to kill us all….he started a fire and it's out of control!"

"Ma'am, you need to calm down" Jim told her as he took her by the arm and led her toward the front doors. "Is there anyone else back there with him?"

Shaking her head 'no', Sandra bolted through the front door as soon as she reached it.

Pete, seeing Jim with the woman, hurried over, "I'm pretty sure we got everyone evacuated…we'd better do a quick walk-through to make sure though. Did she say anything?" He asked, watching the lady make a hasty retreat through the door.

"Nothing more than he has a gun and is going to kill everyone, and he started a fire that's out of control."

"Doesn't give us much to go on. We have to assume that he's no longer in the back room. There are at least a hundred places he could be hiding within these walls of books. Let's check around, huh? Last thing we need is one of the firemen falling into this guys hands; no telling what he'd do."

"Yeah. I'll start at that end down there; you start here and meet me in the middle. If we don't find him quick…" Jim didn't need to finish his sentence, Pete knew what he was thinking….if they didn't find him, that would mean he either got away or was lying in wait to make his move.

"Let's make it a quick sweep…this smoke is getting heavy…you got a hankie?"

"Yeah" Jim said, pulling out his hankie and placing it over his nose and mouth; Pete did the same thing and the two of the split off to do a quick search for the perpetrator.

A few minutes later, neither one having found Carl, the two officers met back in the main part of the library, which was now under a heavy smoke screen. Non-verbally exchanging that they hadn't had any luck, they headed toward the main entrance, hankies in place over their mouths, and their eyes stinging from the smoke.

Once they were through the front doors and were able to take in a couple breaths of fresh air, Mac came up to them, "You two okay?"

Coughing roughly, Pete replied "We're fine, Mac. We didn't find any trace of him. He's either hiding or he got out through…"

A screaming woman suddenly approaches the officers, "My baby! My baby is still in there….please, you've got to find my baby girl!"

Mac, grabbing the woman by the arms, "Miss, calm down and tell me who's in there?"

Sobbing, "My little girl, Cathy Ann, please, you have to get her out!"

"Where did you last see her, Ma'am" Jim inquired with concern.

"She was in the children's' area, reading a book…oh, I only left her long enough to use the restroom…but then the alarm went off and they made everyone go outside….I just thought that they had already had everyone else out, so I left….but she's not out here…OH GOD, please help my baby."

"How old is Cathy Ann?" Pete inquired intensely.

"She's seven….please, find her. Find my baby!" The woman threw herself into Mac's arms, sobbing. Mac turned to Pete and Jim, and seeing the looks on their faces, he knew they weren't waiting for the fire department, even before Pete spoke.

Though they could hear the sirens in the distant, "We can't wait…the smoke is already overpowering….we have to try."

Mac, nodding his head in understanding, "Stay together and be careful…we'll get back up in there as soon as they get here." His words weren't heard, Pete and Jim were already on their way back into the smoke ensconced burning building.

"Pete, the children's wing is off to the left hand side, about midway through the main library floor." Jim rattled off.

Nodding, and running into the building behind Jim, when they reached the children's' area, Pete motioned that he was going to the far end and that Jim should start at the end they were now at. Without words, Jim knew instinctively that the plan was to meet back in the middle and move out together.

Any form of verbal communication was out of the question, the smoke was so bad that they didn't dare open their mouths, even to holler for the lost child, as they crawled on their hands and knees through the bookcases of children's books. Just near the middle of the stacks, Pete spotted the crumpled figure of the little girl. Standing up, he quickly scooped her up into his arms and motioned for Jim that he had found the child.

Meeting back in a the middle they nodded to one another and quickly moved forward, making their retreat toward the entrance of the library, Jim in front, leading the way through the smoke, and Pete following close behind, carrying the little girl. By now, not only was the smoke unbearable, but the fire itself had begun to spread throughout the library's main floor, igniting and eating up anything flammable in its path.

Just as they were nearing the main part of the library again, Pete thought he saw movement off to the right. Unable to yell at Jim, he quickly stopped and tried to refocus on what it was that he saw, thinking that it might be someone else that was trapped inside the burning building. Pete realized a moment too late that what caught his eye were flames licking up the sides of the wooden bookshelves.

In the heavy smoke, Pete turned to what he thought was toward the main entrance and began heading that way; what he didn't realize was that he had somehow gotten turned around. As the air grew thicker and thicker with smoke, Pete was unable to focus or breathe; _I've got to get her out of here; got to find the way out of…_ Pete's thoughts were left uncompleted as he grew lightheaded and passed out from the smoke.

*******

Mike Stoker, Engineer with Station 51, pulled the engine in next to the Public Library as close as was safely possible, behind Squad 51. Arriving first on the scene, the crew fell out in full turn out gear, ready to jump into action as soon as they received their orders from Captain Stanley who was in charge of the scene.

"Gage, Desoto, get ready to do a sweep to make sure the building is evacuated; Lopez, Kelly pull an inch and a half, watch for those bookcases, they are over 10 feet tall and full of books, if those get too waterlogged they may collapse. Engine 127, take your crew and enter from the back of the building; Truck 10, start ventilation."

As the men moved swiftly, getting on their air gear and prepping the hose to enter the building,

Sgt. MacDonald from the LAPD hurried over to Captain Stanley.

"Hank, we have a situation inside that you and your men need to know about."

"What's up Mac?"

"There was a hostage situation; my men were sent in after a man with a gun that was holding a woman; they were also looking for a child that got separated from the group. My officers, Jim Reed and Pete Malloy, went back in to do a sweep and look for the gunman and the child."

"Ok, but what about the woman hostage?"

"Apparently he let her go; she came running out of there no less than two minutes ago."

Suddenly, Jim Reed came out the front of the building, choking in as much clean air as he could. Roy and Johnny met him at the front door and led him over to where Captain Stanley and Mac were standing. Roy had given him his air mask to help him breathe easier and clear out his lungs.

Mac was concerned, "Reed are you alright?"

"I'll be fine Mac, we sent the woman out; we couldn't find the gunman, but Pete has the child." Jim began looking around the area. Not able to see clearly, he rubbed his eyes to clear out the smoke haze. "Mac, where's Pete? Didn't he come out behind me?"

"No, Reed; was he with you?"

"Yes, was right behind me! Pete!" Jim called out for Pete and turned to go back into the building that was getting more involved in flames. Johnny caught him at the bottom of the steps leading to the entrance.

"Jim no, you can't go back in."

"But Pete's in there; with the girl!"

Capt. Stanley, knowing that time was of the essence, "Gage, DeSoto, suit up…Malloy and the child are still inside."

Johnny, not loosening his grip on Jim as he tried to calm him, "Jim we've got this. Roy and I will go get them both; you have to stay out here and let us do our job. Don't get in our way. Do you understand?"

"Yeah John, just go!"

Sinking to the ground, Jim watched Roy and Johnny disappear into the building as another wave of nausea and coughing swept over him. Mac and Captain Stanley helped him to his feet and moved him a clear distance from the building.

"Mac, there's some O2 in the side compartment on the engine; Stoker will point it out to you if you can't find it." Then thumbing the handy talkie "LA, Engine 51, respond me another Squad to this location and two ambulances."

_Sam Lanier's voice _"10-4 Engine 51."

While Mac took care of Reed, Captain Stanley went to help his men man the hoses.

"Marco, Kelly, how's it looking?"

Chet turned to the Captain and said "Not good Cap; this fire is spreading faster than we can get a leg up on it. It must be all the books acting like fuel."

"Ok stay with it. If you see it spike, let me know immediately. Gage and DeSoto are inside searching for two people."

"Right Cap."

_Inside the burning building…_

Roy and Johnny strained their eyes against the heavy smoke and the dense heat, as well as the flying debris from the burning books in the back of the library. They were following the path along the wall when Johnny kicked something that was lying in the path.

"Roy, I've got them!"

"Right; help me get Pete, and then you take the girl." Roy turned while Johnny lifted an unconscious Pete onto his back and then shifted his weight in order to be able to carry him to safety. Johnny then scooped up the little girl and headed for the exit, feeling along the wall while sharing his air mask in order to give the child some much needed oxygen.

He had gone about twenty feet when Johnny heard a large crash behind him. He backtracked just enough to make sure that Roy still had Pete and was headed out of the building. He had gone no more than two or three feet when he found that the shelves on that side of the wall had collapsed and blocked off the exit for anyone behind him; that 'anyone' in this case being Roy and Pete.

Johnny hurried out the front door and as he came into the daylight, Brice and Dillingham were there waiting to take the child and begin treatment. John pulled his handy talkie from his pocket. "Gage to Captain Stanley, there has been a cave in on the first floor along the back wall, we have two people trapped."

Captain Stanley, Chet and Marco appeared from around the corner of the building, with the hose line, to lead the crew in the rescue.

Captain Stanley came up to Johnny, "Who?"

"Roy and Pete."

Distressed but steady, Captain Stanley called dispatch "LA, Station 51, I need a 2nd alarm assignment at this location."

The klaxon tones began to sound as the crew donned their air masks again and with fresh tanks headed back into the depths of the burning building. They made their way to the back and carefully, meticulously they began moving the debris.

"Cap we have got to hurry" Marco yelled out over the noise, "the roof is catching on, and with the age of this building we won't have much time."

"Kelly hit that area with the hose," then calling out over the hand held radio "Truck 10, Engine 127, I need all available men on the first floor with two inch and a half hoses. Captain Stanley to Captain Brady, direct the new responding crews to take over for 10 and 127."

Standing on the outside looking on to the scene unfolding before them were Mac and Jim, watching and waiting for any news concerning the two men still inside. They both saw the Action 5 news truck roll up to the scene to report on the fire and the information on the men inside.

"Mac, Jillian and Leah can't see this on the news, not like this."

"Jim there's not much we can do about them being here reporting, but we can keep the names confidential and keep them far enough away that they can't film the engine crew until we know something."

They took off in the direction of the news crew and moved them back farther from the location in order to keep them from having access too close to the situation. Both officers felt better doing something, anything, except standing and waiting for news. Crowd control was even better than waiting.

Inside the building the crew was still fighting to get to the men underneath the tonnage of debris that was covering them. They were moving as fast as they could before the ceiling could no longer hold its position in mid air.

Crawling on all fours Johnny suddenly cried out. "Here, they are right here! They are both unconscious, but alive!" He backed out of the narrow passageway that he had managed to burrow into. "Cap they're here on this side, we need to move his shelf here on the right, they are in a pocket right underneath."

"Ok, you heard him men!"

With a fury the men began to dig, even as chunks began to break away from the ceiling. One by one, books were tossed to the side. Twisted metal was untangled from the pile until they could read the back of a turnout coat; DeSoto.

Chet was the first to see it, "You got em, way to go guys!"

Carefully they reached down and pulled Roy from the pocket of the wreckage and unfolded his body from the area holding him. Underneath the protection of the fireman, with Roy's air mask strapped on his face, was Pete.

Apparently, Roy realizing what was about to happen, had placed Pete below him as the shelving began to fall and took the full weight on his own back.

Station 51's crew, in an unwritten, unspoken law, carried their own crewman to safety, and also Pete, who was in his care. They made their way out of the burning building when once again more debris came crashing down; debris from the ceiling that would have ended the rescue of Roy and Pete and would have created the need of their body retrieval.

Johnny immediately began to assess the injuries of both Pete and Roy. "Chet O2 for both of them; Marco I need a backboard for Roy; Capt., can you get Rampart on the line?"

Captain Stanley set up the biophone and called Rampart Emergency to inform them of the situation. "Rampart Squad 51, how do you read me?"

Dixie's familiar voice was heard over the airwave and Johnny couldn't help but think that he was glad she had answered. She would make sure that Roy and Pete got what they needed as soon as they needed it and it. It was also comforting knowing that they would be turned over to friends when they arrived at the hospital but for now it was all business.

"This is Rampart, go ahead 51."

Johnny took the receiver from Captain Stanley and relayed information to Dixie "Rampart I have 2 victims here of a fire and building collapse. There is no apparent injury from fire but there is considerable smoke inhalation. The first victim is a Code I the second is a Code L Central Division."

"Understood 51; stand by." Dixie then reached for the red phone hanging above the base station; "Call Dr. Brackett to the base station…ok 51 go ahead with the vitals."

"On victim #1 the vitals are respirations 16 and labored BP 140/84 pulse 38, possible concussion and back or spinal injury due to fallen debris, we have him on a backboard and neck brace and 3 liters of O2."

Dr. Brackett had entered the radio room and listened to the information, "51 start an IV Lactated Ringers, administer 2 mg Lidocaine IV, maintain airway; is the patient in pain?"

"Not visibly at this time Rampart, he is comatose," replied Johnny.

"Go ahead with victim 2."

"Victim 2 is also comatose and was exposed to smoke for a longer period of time. He is having difficulty breathing and is cyanotic. Request esophageal airway."

Dr. Brackett, very confident with the assessment of one of his best paramedics, agrees to the request. "Go ahead with the esophageal and then get me the vitals as soon as airway is established."

"10-4 Rampart; stand by for vitals." Johnny, as quickly as he could, inserted the airway into Pete in order to assist his breathing, then reported back more information to Dr. Brackett and Dixie and the base station. "Rampart the airway has been established and we are assisting breathing, there are definite bilateral rhonchipresent, pulse is 24, blood pressure is 100/60."

"10-4 51; start an IV with ringers, administer 5 mg Lidocaine IV and maintain airway. Is there any signs of head trauma?"

"Negative, Rampart."

"Ok then give 5 mg MS IM and maintain airway"

Johnny repeated the instructions back to Rampart base.

"51 is there and ambulance on the scene?"

"That's affirmative Rampart."

"Then get them both in here immediately."

Pete and Roy were both prepared for their trip to Rampart General Hospital while Dr. Brackett made preparations on his end.

After the initial adrenaline rush of the call was over Dixie turned to Kel and informed him that the patients coming in were most likely Roy Desoto and Pete Malloy.

"Are you sure Dix; how do you know?"

"Just gut instinct I guess; Captain Stanley handled the radio at first and then Johnny informed of a Code I and a Code L from Central Division; I never heard Roy on the radio or in the background and 51 runs in the same territory as Pete and Jim do in that area. I know they are on duty because they dropped off a drunk here this morning. Brice and Dillingham also arrived about 20 minutes ago with another victim of the fire and said that about the time they left, the crew was going back in to look for Roy and Pete in the structure."

Jillian had just come from the phlebotomy lab on the third floor of Rampart, where she had been sent from her routine check-up in order to have blood drawn so that her iron levels could be checked. Her doctor just wanted to make sure that everything was going smoothly with her pregnancy. She was just stepping onto the elevator, getting ready to press the elevator button to take her to the cafeteria, where she was meeting Leah for lunch.

_I think I'll stop down and see if Dixie would like to have lunch with Leah and me, _Jillian thought as she stepped onto the elevator and pushed the button for the first floor. She figured that Leah wouldn't mind if Dixie came to lunch with them, after all, they were friends and also had occasion to work together.

Stepping off of the elevator, Jillian saw Dixie and a tall dark-haired doctor come out of the radio room and head over toward the wall phone close to the nurses' station. _Hmmm…I wonder if that's the 'Dr. Brackett' that Leah has mentioned. He certainly looks like a no-nonsense type of person…just the way she described the famous Dr. Kelly Brackett. _

As Dixie and the doctor were standing over near the wall phone, they had their backs turned and were deep into conversation. Neither one noticed the elevator door open or the young woman that stepped out and walked up to the desk to speak with Dixie.

Dr. Brackett, with a concerned look on his face, turned to Dixie and said, "Dix, set up treatment rooms two and three and page Joe. I'll take Pete; tell Joe to take Roy…If they were trapped in that burning building for awhile until they were able to get them out, Roy DeSoto and Pete Malloy may be in pretty bad shape. We'd better get Leah down here too…she needs to know about Roy. Isn't Pete married? Check with LAPD and see if they are contacting his wife."

"Right, Kel." Jillian heard Dixie reply, as she stood there, trying to digest what she had just heard. Taking a deep breath, Jillian willed her now standing on the edge, nerves to settle.

As Dixie turned around, she came face to face with Jillian and knew immediately, by the look on her face, that the young woman had overheard Dr. Brackett's words.

"Jillian!" Dixie exclaimed. "Jillian, we don't know anything for sure just yet." And then, seeing Dr. Brackett's questioning look, she turned to him and by way of explanation, said, "Kel, this is Pete Malloy's wife, Jillian."

Dr. Brackett stared at Jillian for a moment and then, as if at a loss for words, he gave a slight, tight-lipped half smile before turning towards another nurse that was walking down the hallway, "Carol, would you please see to it that Mrs. Malloy, here, is comfortable. You can take her to the doctors' lounge." Then, looking at Jillian once again, "Someone will be in to speak with you as soon as we know anything."

Nodding, Jillian quietly acknowledged the doctor and followed Carol into the doctor's lounge, thinking, _please Lord, let him be alright…please let both of them be okay. What was Pete doing in a burning building, anyway? And where's Jim…and Johnny?_ Jillian's thoughts were racing as she paced back and forth in the doctor's lounge.

A few minutes later, Leah entered into the doctors' lounge, looking as shell-shocked as what Jillian felt. Jillian immediately went to her and put her arms around the young woman that she had become good friends with. She knew, just from what Leah had told her in the past that this waiting must be taking a toll on Leah, just as it was on herself.

Leah was the first to speak. "Dixie told me how you found out. Are you okay?"

Nodding her head, but not saying much, "Yeah." Jillian had moved a little closer to the lounge door and was peering through the glass window; eyes set on the emergency room doors.

"They should be rolling in any time. We should stay in here, Jillian."

"I'm not going to go out there and get in the way, Leah, if that's what you're worried about. I know the doctor's have a job to do, and that they don't need to worry about family members getting in the way of their trying to do that job. I'm not even going to open this door…I'm just hoping to catch a glimpse of Pete when they bring him in…somehow, just the thought of being able to see him, even through the glass, seems like it will bring some small comfort that he'll be okay…does that make sense?"

Walking over and placing a hand on her friends' shoulder, "More than you'll ever know…mind if I stand here and look out with you?"

Jillian smiled slightly, "I wouldn't expect you to do anything else…oh look, here comes one of them now."

Trying as hard as they could, they couldn't tell who was being wheeled into the emergency room but the flurry of activity around the two gurneys let the ladies know that it was the injured fireman and police officer. They held their breath as they watched Johnny Gage stop and say something to Dixie and then she turned to come up the hall toward the door from which they were looking.

Dixie spoke gently and directly, "Leah, Jillian it is Roy and Pete; we don't know anything yet, so wait here while they are being assessed and either I or one of the doctors will be back in as soon as we have something definite to tell you."

Leah asked the question that she knew Jillian was thinking too, "Dix are they both alive?"

"Yes, now wait here." And with a gentle smile she left the room with another promise to return.

Leah and Jillian were quiet for a few minutes when Jim and Mac entered the room.

"Jim!" Jillian reached out to him and he put his arms around her for comfort…for himself as much as for her. "Jim, please tell me what happened."

Jim looked to Leah who nodded her head in agreement to Jillian's request and then waited for Jim to gather himself. "We got a call of a gunman holding a hostage, we went in and smelled the smoke and started evacuating the building. A little girl got separated from the group, we found her and Pete was carrying her out; I was leading the way…Pete must have stopped for some reason; I thought he was right behind me. Roy and Johnny went in and found them. Johnny got the girl out but the shelving and part of the wall collapsed on Roy and Pete. Apparently Roy shielded Pete with his back and took the full brunt, but Pete was in the smoke for quite some time."

Jim looked spent and exhausted after telling the story and looked to Mac to continue. "I don't know much about the medical side, but I do know that John Gage was in charge of their care and believe me when I tell you, they got the best."

Leah put her hand on Jim's arm and smiled at he and Mac, "Thank you."

To their surprise, Jim pulled away and turned his back to all of them. "Thank me? Thank me for what? For leaving Pete behind and putting Roy's life in danger? Because that's what I did."

"Jim, no" Jillian tried to assure him as the tears rolled silently from her cheeks.

Leah walked in front of Jim and looked him directly in the eye, "Jim, Jillian and I don't blame you for anything, it was an accident. Roy and Pete knew exactly what they were doing when they went into that building. Don't hurt them or us by blaming yourself. There's no one to blame."

Jillian walked up to Jim and reached out to take his hands into hers; looking up into his anguished eyes, she re-iterated Leah's words, "Jim, Leah is right. There's no blame to be had here. All of you were doing what you are trained to do."

"But I was in front of Pete, leading the way out…I thought that he and the child were right behind me…"

"Jim, who had the child?"

"Pete did."

"And what was the visibility like in there?"

"You couldn't see a foot in front of you."

"So, Pete had the child, and he was following you…you were his eyes, Jim. I imagine it was difficult enough for you to see in front of you…don't beat yourself up for not realizing that Pete wasn't behind you…only he knows why he stopped…maybe he thought he saw another person."

Jim once again embraced Jillian and quietly said "Thank you, Jillian."

Pulling away from Jim's embrace, Jillian swiped at the tears that were falling, unbidden, down her cheeks. "Jim, why don't you go call Jean…if she's seen any of this on the news, she's going to be worried sick."

Jim nodded his head and turned to go out into the hallway and use the payphone.

Dr. Joe Early entered treatment room 2 and began to assess Roy's condition and his injuries. "Carol, get x-ray down here. I want a complete skull and spine series, draw blood for arterial blood gasses. Johnny how long has he been out?"

"I'm not sure Doc, it took us about 20 minutes to get him out and he was comatose while we were on the scene. He was in and out in the ambulance but for the most part, he's been in-coherent."

"Ok, thanks Johnny. From the looks of everything here, he is going to make it. One more thing, have you seen any voluntary movement in Roy's extremities?"

"No…no, I haven't. Do you think that there is paralysis?"

"We won't know until we get x-rays done or until he wakes up, but from the visual inspection of his injuries, that could be a strong possibility."

"Yeah…I'm going to check in with Doctor Brackett, do you need anything else from me?"

Dr. Early assured him that he didn't so Johnny took another look at Roy and then slipped from the room and into Treatment Room 3, where Dr. Brackett was taking a look at Pete and listening to his lungs.

"Dixie, I want a complete work up, arterial blood gasses, and a metabolic panel. Let's switch him over from the esophageal to endotracheal intubation just in case there is damage to the airway and it starts to swell."

"Right, Kel. Do you want chest x-rays?"

"Yeah, just as soon as they are done with Roy; and Dix, tell the lab to step on it."

"On my way." Dixie hurried out the door to order the films and rush the lab work.

Johnny waited to talk to Dr. Brackett, so as not to interrupt, "Doc how's he doing?"

"Right now, not too good Johnny; the next 24 hours are critical. If we can keep the swelling down and keep him with a good supply of oxygen, then I would say his chances are about 50/50. We just don't know how long his oxygen was depleted. How's Roy?"

"Dr. Early is worried about paralysis."

"I'm sorry Johnny but you know they will get the best of care."

"Yeah I know; I'm going to wait outside until you know more, the Engine Company will be here soon I'm sure and they will want word."

Dr. Brackett had been here many times before with the men under his supervision in the Paramedic program, but it didn't get any easier when an accident occurred. "You can wait in the doctors' lounge with Leah."

"She knows?"

"She's waiting for word with Jillian Malloy; you want to talk to them or do you want to wait for one of us."

"Nah, I'll do it…Doc it just never gets any easier does it?"

"Talking to families? No Johnny it doesn't, but the minute that it gets easy is the minute that you need to quit what you are doing and go sell newspapers."

"Yeah I guess you're right."

Johnny walked down the hall toward the Doctor's looking for the right words to say when he heard a voice behind him... "Johnny stop trying so hard the words will come when you get in there."

Startled he turned around, "Oh Dixie, I didn't see you. What do I say to them, Dix? How do I tell them?"

"Just like you would anyone else that you had to talk to; with as much honesty, laced with compassion, as you can muster." Dixie smiled at him.

Johnny Gage grabbed the door handle and paused long enough to take a deep breath and steady his nerves before going to tell his best friend's wife that her husband may be paralyzed, and his other good friends' wife that her husband might not live through the next 24 hours.

Johnny turned the handle on the door to the lounge causing Jillian and Leah to jump in their seats. Both of them stood when he entered the room and he began to immediately read their faces. Leah stepped toward him, "Johnny just tell us, nothing can be worse that what we have already imagined."

"Things are serious Leah, for both of them."

Jillian stood beside Leah and asked, "How serious, Johnny? And please, don't sugar coat it, just tell us. What can we expect? We need to know, Johnny...please."

Johnny stood there, studying the two women in front of him; this was proving to be harder than he thought it would be.

"Okay…Roy and Pete both are still comatose; they are waiting for them to come out of it. They are doing neck and spine x-rays on Roy and hoping to start seeing spontaneous movement in his extremities. They have switched Pete over to an endo tube and are running arterial blood gasses on both with a full blood panel workup on Pete."

Leah stood stoic, not showing any emotion, but taking in carefully everything that Johnny had just said.

It was Jillian that broke the silence, "I'm not sure that I understand all the medical language," and then looking to Leah and Johnny, "can one of you please just give it to me in plain English?"

Leah turned to her friend, "Basically what Johnny is saying is that they are waiting to see if Roy is going to be paralyzed; they are concerned that Pete's throat will swell and he won't be able to breathe on his own, so they are helping him out. In the blood tests, the lab will be looking for oxygen levels and carbon monoxide levels to see how much oxygen they were deprived; for Pete they are looking further for infection, lung damage, or the onset of pneumonia."

Jillian, doing her best to not lose it, was biting at the inside of her bottom lip, contemplating what she had just heard, and then asked, "Johnny, these tests that they are doing...how soon will they know anything?"

"They won't know anything for a couple of hours yet. Roy is going to make it but they aren't sure about his injuries. They are watching Pete for the next 24 hours, which are critical…until then, his chances are 50/50."

Doctors Joe Early and Kelly Brackett entered the room. Kel was the first to speak "We just wanted to let you know that they are both stable right now and we will be moving them to intensive care shortly and then you can see them for a few minutes."

"Joe how is Roy? Is he awake yet?" Leah questioned.

"Yes he is, and to answer your next question, he has limited movement at this time. He can't move his legs but we are hoping that it is just spinal cord shock and that when the swelling goes down, the function will return. We've started him on aggressive steroid therapy, so we are hopeful."

"What about Pete?" Jillian wanted to know.

"He is stable right now; his body just has to have time to rid itself of the toxins that he breathed and time for the lungs to heal themselves; we are watching him closely."

Dr. Brackett and Dr. Early left to oversee the transfer of their patients. Mac had gone to inform Jim of the news, and Johnny went out to await the rest of the 51 crew. It was just the two of them there together, alone.

Trying to sort through her feelings at the moment, Jillian was very quiet. She walked over to the table and sat down, focusing on some unseen object across the room. She just couldn't trust her voice to speak right now and she was praying that Leah wouldn't ask her anything before she could trust it.

After several minutes of silence, Jillian looked at her friend...she looked like she'd been through the ringer. Standing up and walking over to Leah, Jillian knew that Leah was probably re-living the nightmare from the last time Roy was hospitalized after a fire.

Reaching out to touch her friends arm, "Leah...are you okay? Can I get you something to drink?"

Leah only shook her head 'no', still not speaking.

"They're going to be okay, Leah. We have to believe that. We can't give up on that hope. You heard Dr. Brackett...he said that they are stable...that's a good thing, right? And they are going to let us go in a see them for a few minutes...that's another good sign, isn't it?"

Still, Jillian received no verbal response from Leah.

"Leah, talk to me; don't shut me out. You know, someone very wise once told me that I shouldn't hold things in, and that if I ever needed someone to talk to, she'd be there. Well, I think that someone needs to remember that it's okay to take her own advice. How about it?"

Leah turned to face her friend, "Jillian you have become a dear friend, but please understand when I say that I can't talk right now. It's not you it's me. For years I had no one until Roy came into my life. And now...I'm sorry, I don't mean to shut you out."

Jillian didn't push further but just simply said, "When you are ready I'm here, just promise that you will remember that." Leah only nodded her head, causing Jillian to really take a close look at her friend, she knew that Leah was hurting as badly as she was, yet there were no tears, no emotion; that, she couldn't understand, but didn't have the energy to try to figure it out right then.

"Jillian will you be alright here by yourself for a bit? I need to see Johnny and then I am going to the lab to see if I can help them hurry up the blood work. I'll have Dixie call me when they have the guys settled into the ICU. Do you know how to reach me if you need me?"

"I'll be fine, Leah. You go do what you need to do. I'll get a hold of you if I need to...besides, Dixie's out there if I need anything." _I wish she'd open up and let me help her...but I can understand, just the same; she probably doesn't want to vent to me with Pete being in here, too._

Letting out a small sniffle, and reaching for a tissue to wipe her eyes and blow her nose, Jillian thought _I really need to call John...he's far enough removed from the situation that I can vent to him. If I call Jean, she'll tell Jim and he already feels bad enough; if Johnny would come back in, I could talk to him a little, I guess, but I'm sure he's going through his own emotions, right now, too. _

Leah walked down the hallway passed the ER treatment room doors to the other end of the corridor. The Crew from Station 51 was coming through the entrance and Chet called out to her, "Leah how's Roy?" Stopping and looking at them, still covered in soot and dirt from the fire call, she knew that they were concerned as if for a brother, "Not good guys; Dr. Early thinks that he may be paralyzed, we just don't know yet." 

Captain Stanley reached out his hand and placed it on her shoulder, "Leah, I'm sorry. Is there anything that I can do, anything that we can get for you?" 

"No, Hank I'm fine, really, I was heading to the lab to see if I can give them a hand to speed up the test results; they need them really bad for Pete Malloy. Johnny is at the nurse's station, you can check in on him. I think he may need his friends about now." 

Leah went to the lab and Captain Stanley, a little confused by her disposition, went with his crew to find Johnny. He was hanging up the phone when they walked up. "Hey Cap, I was just letting April know what was going on; have you heard any of the news?" 

"Just a little; Leah says that Roy may be paralyzed and that Pete is apparently in bad shape." 

"Well, they don't know anything for sure, yet. They are going to be moving them to ICU and basically the next 24 hours will be critical." 

When Dixie returned to the desk and saw the crew she knew that they were probably tired and in much need of some coffee. "Hey fellas, I know it's been a rough day, are you going to hang out here for a while or are you headed back to the station?" 

"I put us available from Rampart and we're waiting on a replacement for Roy for the squad, so if we won't be in the way we would like to wait here just until we know that Roy is settled." Hank explained. 

"Sure, that's not a problem at all; you look like you could use some coffee, why don't you wait in the lounge and I will let you know when they are moving Roy." 

Johnny said, "Dixie we don't want to disturb Jillian and Leah, they probably need some time to themselves." 

"Well, Johnny, we've moved Pete on up and Jillian is with him; and I don't know where Leah is, I thought that she might be with you actually." 

Marco spoke up, "We just saw her going to the lab to work; she said that they needed help with the tests." 

Johnny and Dixie glanced at each other, "Dix I'll go talk to her, will you let me know as soon as they get ready to move Roy?" 

"Sure John; come on guys, I'll make you a fresh pot of coffee." Dixie led them to the lounge to rest and try to refresh themselves. 

Johnny entered the lab and couldn't help but think about the day that he and Roy had gone in here the first time and met Leah and April, not knowing that that day would change the rest of their lives; and now here he was again, alone, thinking that today, may again, change the rest of their lives. Leah was at her workstation peering over glass slides when he walked in and without looking up she said "Hi Johnny." 

"How'd you know it was me?" 

"Because you shuffle your feet when you are nervous or have to do something you don't want to do." Then she looked at him and smiled. 

He returned the smile with his own crooked grin, "You know me too well; we all must spend too much time together." 

"Can't help it, it's the hazard of the job; so what can I do for you?" 

"You know why I'm here." He said as he walked over to her, "What are you doing, Leah?" 

"I'm running tests." 

"You know what I mean, quit skirting the issue." 

"Johnny, don't start with me, you know that I am better here for Roy and Pete than sitting in a waiting room." 

"But isn't that where you need to be? For yourself, if not for him?" 

"How dare you even presume that you know what is best from my side, the waiting side because John you don't have a clue. Time after time I am called from the lab, a fireman injured, someone from the 51 crew hurt, being told of the daring rescues and the close calls that you two go on day after day. I've accepted that because I love Roy, and I've never blamed you for anything that has ever happened, but my falling apart and becoming hysterical is not going to help anyone even though that is what everyone expects me to do." 

"You don't always have to be the strong one." Johnny said softening his voice and reaching out to put his arm around her. 

"Yes I do. You forget that I'm the street kid from East L.A.; I had to be strong to survive. Do you realize that everyone I knew from the East side is either dead or in prison?" 

"But you're not that street kid anymore, you are much more than that and you can open up to your friends; me, Dixie, April, Jillian, Dr. Brackett, any of us." 

"Johnny I love you, but really I am ok. If you want to help me then go, go and see about Roy and call me when he is settled in ICU." And without saying anything more she returned her attention to the glass sides that were in front of her. 

"Ok Leah, if that is what you want, but when you need to talk, anytime day or night, I'm here." 

"I know; thanks for being our friend." 

The shared another smile with each other and Johnny left the lab to return and wait with the rest of the crew. Minutes seemed to stretch into hours but it has only been an hour; 1 hour, 60 minutes, 3600 seconds that they waited until Dixie came and let them know that Roy's x-rays were back and they were moving him into intensive care. 

Back in the ICU......

Jillian had been standing by Pete's side for about 30 minutes at this time; watching him breath in and out with the help of the respirator. The soot had been washed away from his face and hands and he looked peaceful lying there. She pulled up a chair beside the bed and took Pete's hand in hers and raised it to her cheek. She couldn't stop the single tear that slid from her eye and onto Pete's hand. 

This was how Jim found her when he quietly entered into Pete's room. Jillian heard a noise behind her and glanced over her shoulder to find Jim standing there, quietly gazing at his partner, his best friend. The anguish that she saw in his eyes broke her heart for the second time that night. She knew that he was still beating himself up inside. She'd heard enough from both Pete and Jean to know that Jim's sensitivity ran both ocean deep and valley wide. 

Keeping a hold on Pete's hand, with her right hand, Jillian stood up and scooted the chair slightly to the right with her foot, and then moved over a little so that Jim could stand just to her left. He moved over beside her without saying a word. They stood this way, both watching Pete intently, lost in their own thoughts.

Jillian reached out with her left hand and took a hold of Jims' right hand and gave it a squeeze, "Jim, he's going to be okay...look at him...he's getting the rest that he needs so that his body can heal. He's got a lot of people praying for him...he and Roy both do. They are both going to be fine...we just have to hold onto that thought."

Met with deafening silence, she tried another tactic. "Did you talk to Jean?"

Nodding his head, "She's coming up as soon as she can get a sitter for Jimmy. How are you holding up, Jillian?" Jim inquired quietly.

She gave him a slightly strained smile, "Better than I ever expected I could." Noticing the look that Jim gave her, "I'm okay, Jim, really I am. How are you holding up?"

Jim shrugged his shoulders in answer, not trusting his voice to say anything at this point. Jillian could read the between the lines of his silence, but decided not to push him at that moment. She knew that he would open up, probably to Jean, when the time was right for him. 

After standing there together for a while longer, Jillian could sense that Jim could use a little alone time with Pete. "Jim? Would you do me a favor...I need to visit the ladies room, could you please stay here with Pete until I get back? If he wakes up soon, I don't want him to wake up alone?"

Figuring that Jillian was reading his body language, Jim was grateful for the excuse to have a few moments alone with his best friend. Once again, he silently nodded his head, but this time, when her eyes met his, he slightly smiled and mouthed 'thank you.'

Jillian placed a small kiss on the back of her husbands' hand before laying it gently back at his side and then slowly turned to leave the room. Glancing back, she sent up a silent prayer that Pete would be okay...and that Jim would find some peace so that he would know that he had nothing to feel guilty for.

Once out in the hallway, Jillian took a moment to lean against the wall and regroup. She wasn't holding up as well on the inside as she appeared to be on the outside, but there wasn't anyone around here that she could let that be known to. They were all too close to the situation…too close to Pete; too close to Roy; and too close to Jim and Johnny. 

Pulling away from the wall, Jillian continued to walk down the hallway, and found the restroom. She went in and up to the sink, took one look in the mirror at her red, puffy eyes and thought, It's probably a good thing Pete isn't awake…this is enough to scare a saint! She turned on the faucet, letting the cold water run for a minute before dousing her face several times. She looked into the mirror again, deciding that it hadn't helped much with the appearance, but at least now she didn't feel so fatigued and drained. 

After taking care of necessities, Jillian headed back toward Pete's room. She'd been gone about fifteen minutes, and figured that she shouldn't be gone too much longer, just in case Pete woke up soon, though she really didn't expect him to for quite a while yet.

Looking down at the floor as she walked, Jillian looked up just in time to avoid running into Johnny, who was coming down the hall toward Pete's room from the opposite direction. They nearly collided just outside of Pete's door. "OH, Johnny…I'm sorry…I wasn't watching where I was going."

"Hey, its okay, the fault's mine…I should've been watching where I was going. How are you holding up, Jillian?" Johnny could tell that she'd been crying.

"I'm okay, Johnny…thanks."

"Let me know if I can do anything or get you anything, okay?" He stood there watching her, thoughts wandering off…This has to be so hard on her. Here she is, basically all alone in a still strange city, pregnant, and only knowing a handful of folks well enough to feel comfortable enough to confide in…which I don't expect that she'll do, because of their close proximity to the situation, as well. I wish there was something that I could say to offer some measure of comfort, but I'm not going to push her, she probably wants to work things out on her own. 

Pulling himself out of his thoughts, he noticed that Jillian was staring at him. "Johnny, did you hear me?"

"I'm sorry Jillian, my mind must have been wandering…what did you ask?" 

"Is there any news on the little girl…from the fire? Is she going to be okay?"

"Yes, Jillian; she's going to be fine. They are going to keep her here for a few days of observation, but when I talked to the doctors, they said that she's doing well."

"Well that's good news, at least." Jillian put her hand on her ever so slightly raised tummy and thought, I hope that if anything ever happens to our little one, someone will be there in time to help him or her. "How's Roy doing?"

Johnny filled her in with what he knew regarding Roy's condition and then asked, "How's Pete doing? I was just coming by to check on him."

"Jim's in there with him now. There's no change…he's just sleeping…peacefully." Jillian bit the inside of her lower lip, but wasn't quick enough to steel herself against the tears that silently started falling, once again. 

Johnny gathered into his arms and let her cry for a few minutes, wishing that he knew something to say to bring her some comfort. Finally, she pulled away, and wiping at her eyes she said, "Why don't you go in and check on him…I need to just stand here for a minute or two…Jim doesn't need to see me falling apart. Maybe you can tell him that it's not his fault…it's eating him up."

"I'll see what I can do…I'll take him down to the cafeteria for coffee…it will give us a chance to talk alone."

"Okay…Johnny?"

"Yes, Jillian?"

"Thank you…for being there and taking care of Pete and Roy…and the little girl."

Johnny gave her one of his crooked smiles, "You're welcome."

Jillian stood in the hallway while Johnny went in and spent a few minutes with Jim and Pete. A few minutes later, Johnny came back into the hallway. "Jim's going to meet me down in the cafeteria in about fifteen minutes. I'm going to have him bring you something to eat…you look a little tired. What do you want?"

"I'm fine, Johnny…maybe just some coffee."

"I won't push you, but just think about the baby…"

Jillian knew that he was right; she had to think of the baby's wellbeing. "Alright, turkey on rye, with mustard."

"You got it. I'll check up on you later on, okay?"

"Okay." Jillian watched the young paramedic as he headed down the hallway to the elevators. She then pushed open the door to Pete's room, finding Jim right where she left him a little while ago. Sidling back up to the bed, she smiled up at Jim and then took Pete's hand into her own, once again. Together they stood in silence, watching Pete as he slept.

Quietly, Jillian told Jim the news about the little girl, "Oh, Jim…I talked to Johnny in the hallway a minute ago. Did he tell you about the little girl from the fire?"

Jim, thinking the worst, suddenly looked pale as he shook his head and quietly said, "No…tell me what he said." Please…don't let it be bad news.

"She's going to be okay…she'll be in the hospital for a couple days, just routine observation, but she's doing well."

Jim breathed a sigh of relief; at the same time, Jillian felt the pressure of a slight squeeze coming from Pete's hand.

"JIM!" Jillian quietly exclaimed, "Pete…he just squeezed my hand…just ever so lightly, but I know it was still a squeeze. Do you think he heard what I told you…about the little girl?"

A smile spread across Jim's face, "I've heard of people being able to hear you, even when they are unconscious…so yeah, I think that maybe he did hear you."

As if to punctuate what they already suspected, somewhere in the realm of unconsciousness, Pete again slightly squeezed Jillian's hand. "He did it again, Jim…he's really going to be alright, Jim…I know he is."

"You stay here with him…I'm going to go find Dr. Brackett…he'll want to know."

Shaking her head, Jillian was close to tears as she bent forward and placed a gentle kiss on Pete's cheek. "I just love you so much Pete…come back to us soon, Honey…please."

Meanwhile…

Dr. Brackett had called down to the lab to ask Leah to come by his office. The X-rays were back on Roy and he had been moved into his room in ICU. He was more than a little concerned, not only about the x-rays but also about Leah's mental state. Johnny and Dixie had both stopped him and told them of their concerns. He had seen this kind reaction before, had even experienced it himself, but this was serious because a lot of Roy's recovery was going to depend on Leah.

There was a knock on the door and he called out "Come in." It was Leah.

"You wanted to see me? Here…I brought these with me; it's the 2nd round of blood work on Pete. The toxin levels are down and his hemoglobin is just about back to normal. If he can stave off an infection, his levels are looking good."

"Thanks I will look them over, but that is not why I asked you to stop by. Leah I have Roy's x-rays."

"And what do they show?"

"They show a compression of the cord at the T-5 level by a hematoma, probably caused by the taking the brunt force of the collapse on his back."

"How much damage has been done?" Leah questioned.

"We won't know until we get him into surgery to remove the blood clot, but we have to act fast, the longer it is compressed the more damage that could occur. They are prepping him for surgery now."

"An injury at the T-5 level will mean that he will be paralyzed from the waist down."

"We may have caught it early enough."

"And even if you have, the surgery could do more damage, or kill him if the clot breaks off." Leah stood to her feet and her voice was getting louder.

Dr. Brackett walked and stood in front of her "That's true, but if we do nothing then he will be paralyzed permanently, and could still die from the clot; besides we have the best neurosurgeon working on him."

"Who?"

"Joe Early."

"Ok then, give me the consent forms." Kelly handed them to Leah who signed them then said, "I'm going to see Roy and then I will be in the lab as soon as you know something." And she turned to leave.

"Leah before you leave to go into his room, you should know that we haven't told him anything yet; have you seen him at all since he came in?"

"Not yet. Johnny told me that he was awake but they were getting him ready to move into ICU so I haven't been able to. Why, haven't you told him?"

"We were waiting on you; we thought you would want to be there or that you would want to tell him."

The words hit Leah like a ton of bricks and the anger that she had been keeping to herself since she found out about Roy's injuries was slowly rising to the surface, even though she tried with all her might to keep her feelings in check. She quickly turned to Kel and he could see the anguish in her eyes. "And just why would you think that I would want to be the one to tell him?"

"Because Leah, he is going to need all the support and understanding he can get and you are the one that he is going to need it from the most."

"What do I have to offer him? Tell me that, Dr. Brackett." Her hazel eyes flashed as she challenged the Doctor.

"Leah, stop it; you are not fooling me, we have worked together for over 6 years and I know you. You are not in control and you can't stand it. Well let me tell you that there are just some things that we don't have control of."

"So what you are telling me is that we just have to accept a situation?"

Dr. Brackett didn't back down. "No, but you can't run from it either and that is what you're doing. You can't control it so you shut down emotionally."

"How do you know what I do?" Her voice was getting louder.

Dr. Brackett's voice level was beginning to match Leah's, "Because I understand you; Iget you; can't you see that? In medicine, it drives you crazy when you can't find the answer. I have seen you work for hours, pouring over lab results, until you figure it out. I do the same thing on a case; I study, I work until I find an answer or a solution. You and I are alike and I do the same thing; I shut down my emotions, I shut people, my friends, out; but I am not going to let you."

"So what do you want me to do, march in there and tell my husband..." Her voice caught in her throat and she paused so as to not lose her composure, and then setting her jaw she finished, "And tell my husband that he might have to stop doing the job that he loves most in the world, that he may never run with his children or teach them how to rock climb, or even take an evening stroll; is that what you expect?"

Her voice caught again and she quickly drew in the sob that started to escape as she willed the tears welling in her eyes, to not to roll down her cheeks. She turned her back to Kel.

He walked over and took her by the shoulders and turned her around to face him, looking her dead in the eye. "Leah if you're angry, then damn it, be angry; yell, scream, kick…but let it out, for your sake."

She pushed away from him, but Kel didn't let go, instead, he wrapped his arms around her, forcing her to face her anger and her fears; she fought against him, but she was losing the battle.

The tears were flowing and the anger could no longer be contained. Leah pulled away and picked up the heavy ash tray that sat on Kel's desk, throwing it against the wall, smashing the glass in the picture that hung in its path.

The sound of shattering glass brought Dixie from her desk and she opened the door to his office. "Dixie get out of here and go get Johnny; and don't let anyone else but him in."

Without questioning she turned and hurriedly tried to find Johnny, worried about the scene that she had just witnessed. _I hope Kel knows what he is doing, _she thought.

In the office Leah had picked up some books from the shelf behind her and had thrown them in the opposite direction from the ashtray and screamed "Why? I want to know why? Roy may not be able to walk or he may die because of some crazed gunman? Why?"

"I don't know why, we may never know."

"And Gage and Gracie, how will I ever explain this to them? How do you tell a three year old that Daddy can't walk any more or Daddy is not here anymore; that he has gone to your be with your brother and sister in Heaven...tell me Kelly Brackett...how do I explain it to them!"

The door opened and Johnny stepped inside the office, hearing the last part of the exchange between Dr. Brackett and Leah. When she saw him everything she had left in her exploded from deep within and she cried out. "Johnny!...OH GOD!" It was then that her knees buckled under her and she started falling to the floor, but not before Johnny was there to catch her.

Leah buried her face in his shoulder and could no longer hold back the tears with the dam of her will. With Johnny holding her against his chest, where she had collapsed on the floor, she cried until there were no more tears left to fall. She sat up, broken, exhausted, and empty. "I think that I'm going to be sick."

Johnny got her to the wastebasket as Kel said "Stay with her John, I am going to get something for her to take."

"Right Doc." It was the only words that he had spoken since he had been in the room. Leah didn't need his words, until now.

"Leah, whatever it is, we will face it together."

"I know Johnny, I am still angry; I still don't understand, but letting it out some helped."

"I'll accept that for now, but you won't mind if I kick you in the back side if I see you slipping back behind that wall of yours, will you?" Johnny flashed her that famous crooked smile that had slain thousands hearts, and she agreed.

"I have to go to Roy and talk to him, but I'm not sure that I can do this by myself. This is not fair to you Johnny, but you are his best friend, I need… no, we need you there."

Leah stood to her feet and was very shaky as she reached for the nearest chair. Dr. Brackett returned with a glass of water and 2 small pills. "Here take these."

"What is it? I don't want to be drugged up."

"It is just something to help settle your stomach." Leah took the pills "And to calm your nerves."

"Kelly Brackett you tricked me."

He and Johnny helped her to her feet and he said, "Yeah; yeah I did at that, didn't I? Let's go talk to Roy. Are you ready?"

She smiled and gave both men a kiss on the cheek, "As ready as I'll ever be, just let me go wash my face first."

Leah came out of the ladies room after washing her face and trying to do something with her hair. Johnny and Dr. Brackett were waiting for her at the nurse's desk on the ICU floor.

She nervously said, "I did the best I could but I still look a sight."

"I think that you look just fine and I bet if I know my partner; Roy will think that you look just beautiful."

She uncharacteristically blushed and simply said, "thanks Johnny."

Dr. Brackett reached over and took her by the arm, "Ready?...Ok then let's go in."

Leah was not immune to hospital settings but seeing Roy lying in the bed with a back brace and neck brace on with the tubes from his IV's was almost more than she could stand. Unable to move his head and being paralyzed from the waist down they walked close to the bed side so Roy would be able to see them.

Leah spoke first, "so Royal Christopher DeSoto, just what do you have to say for yourself this time?" she asked him in mock anger.

"Hi babe, getting a little jealous for some attention I guess. You sure are a sight for sore eyes."

"Well 'a sight' I am sure."

Roy smiled and his eyes danced as he looked at her, " I think you look beautiful."

Johnny nudged her and smiled, "Told ya so."

"Leah, how are the kids?"

The kids! She had completely forgotten about the kids, "Well Roy I haven't..."  
Johnny interrupted, "She hasn't had time to go see them since you have been here, They're going to stay with April and me for the next few days while you and Leah work on you getting better. She will bring them by tomorrow as soon as you get in a room."

"Oh ok, tell her 'thank you' for us.... Well Doc I don't guess you are here for the small talk and I am assuming there is a reason that you won't let me out of all these straps and braces."

"You're right Roy; I have something that I need to talk to you about. We've run some tests and are going to have to do surgery."

"What's going on?"

Leah leaned in and placed a gently kiss on his cheek to assure him that everything was going to be alright, "Roy when you took the full force of the falling debris on your back it caused some damage. You have a hematoma, a blood clot, at the T-5 level on your spine and it is compressing your spinal cord."

"I see, so that means that my legs are not strapped down…I can't move them." Roy commented.

"No Roy," Dr Brackett explained, "That is why we need to do surgery to remove the clot. You know what the dangers are; we could do more damage."

"Or you could kill me with a lost blood clot...when will you do the surgery?"

"Immediately. Do you have any questions for me?"

"No, but I would like to talk to Johnny and Leah be fore I go in."

"Ok Roy, but you won't have a long time before we will go up to the O.R. I'll go tell Joe that you're ready. Roy we're going to take good care of you."

Dr. Brackett left the room Johnny started to excuse his self when Roy stopped him, "No wait Johnny, before you go I need you to promise me something. If things don't go well I need you to promise to watch out for Leah and Gage and Gracie for me."

"Roy, everything is going to be fine..." Still seeing the concern in his friends' eyes, he continued on, "Roy I'm their godfather, and you know that I would take care of them and Leah as my own. Now enough of that kind of talk, I will see you after the surgery. I am going to check on Pete again; Dix said that he was waking up." Then Johnny smiling nervously with that crooked grin of his headed to the door. From over his shoulder he heard Roy, "Thanks partner."

Leah and Roy were alone. "Leah, I don't remember a lot about the fire scene; what happened?"

"You were trying to save Pete and a little girl from a library that was burning."

"And what happened? Are they hurt? Was anyone else hurt?"

"Shh, Roy, I haven't really heard any news but right now I'm concerned about you."

Roy grew quiet and his thoughts began to run deep, "Leah, if there has been damage, what am I going to do? What are we going to do? Being a firefighter and Paramedic will be over, and the kids will have half a father and you, what kind of husband can I be to you. Not being able to walk and take care of my family. What kind of life is that?"

"Roy I know you are angry, I am angry too but I found out that misplaced anger is not we need right now. We don't know what is going to happen but a dear friend told me that no matter what happens we will face it together."

"And who was that?"

"Johnny, he's hurting for his friend and hasn't left. You just rest and let everyone take care of you and let Dr. Early do his magic and then you will be back to us healthy and whole; we've just got to have faith."

"I love you Leah Hope Chambers DeSoto."

"And I love you."

With no more words needed between them, they spent some time with Leah quietly holding Roy's hand and reassuring each other until the door opened about an hour later when Dixie came in with the orderlies.

"We're ready to go up now." Leah kissed him gently on the lips and then watched as her husband was taken to surgery and left her standing in the empty room wondering if she would see him alive again.

_Back in Pete's room…_

Jim was leaving Pete's room in order to go have Dr. Brackett paged so that he could be alerted to the response that Pete had seemed to give after hearing about the little girl. Jillian, watching as Jim left the room, could've sworn that he had a bit of a spring in his step; She was thankful that Pete's reaction to the news was having a positive impact on the younger man…she knew he was worried sick about his partner, his best friend.

Turning back to Pete, Jillian gave his hand a slight squeeze as she raised it to her lips and placed a gentle kiss on the back of it. "Rest easy, my love…you're going to be okay."

As she was gazing at him, she could see that he was trying to open his eyes. His eyelids were fluttering, parting slightly, and then closing again. This went on for several minutes, along with the occasional squeeze of her hand.

"Pete, Honey…rest…I love you with every fiber of my being, and as much as I want to see those gorgeous eyes and handsome smile of yours, I can wait until you're ready to wake up. Don't force yourself. Let your body have the rest it needs."

Again, there were several attempts to get his eyes open; finally, after a few minutes, he was successful, but the look that Jillian saw when she looked into Pete's eyes, wasn't the one she expected, instead, it was a look of frightened confusion.

He squeezed her hand in his as he tried to reach for the tube with his other hand; the entire time, not tearing his gaze away from Jillian's gaze.

Reaching out with her left hand to keep Pete from grabbing the tube, she gently held his hand, careful of the I.V. that was in place, as she spoke soothing words to calm him. "Pete, Honey, no, don't do that. It's alright…that tube is helping you breathe for right now. Just calm down and let the medical equipment do what it is supposed to. Jim went to get Dr. Brackett…I'm sure he'll take the tube out soon. Just relax."

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he digested the words, thinking _Jim's okay. _And though he seemed to visibly relax a little, he still seemed a bit agitated. He had at least given up on grabbing for the tube so she let go of his left hand. He continued to stare at her, as if asking a question with his eyes, _but what about the girl? _

She wasn't sure what it was that he wanted to know, but could only guess that he was wondering if he had been dreaming or if he had really heard correctly about the little girl. Jillian took a stab in the dark that that was what he wanted to know, and said, "The little girl from the fire is going to be okay. They got her out in time…is that what you wanted to know?"

He responded by blinking his eyes and squeezing her hand. She could see the agitation subside as he closed his eyes, once again slipping into a peaceful sleep.

Exhausted, Jillian pulled the chair up beside the bed and sat down, never letting go of her husband's hand. She silently watched him while he slept, thankful that she'd been able to put his mind at ease for the time being. She was glad that he didn't remember Roy and he being trapped…she didn't want him to know anything about that until he was stronger. One thing that she had discovered about her husband was that he harbored feelings of guilt every bit as deep and wide as his partner did…though he'd never admit it.

An eternity later, fifteen minutes in reality, Jim and Dr. Brackett came into the room. Jillian stood up and pushed the chair out of the way.

Nodding in her direction, "Mrs. Malloy, I didn't get a chance to introduce myself earlier…I'm Dr. Brackett."

Jillian nodded and offered her hand to the doctor, "It's Jillian; and I wish we were meeting under other circumstances, but just the same, it's nice to meet you. Thank you for taking such good care of Pete."

Dr. Brackett shook her hand and smiled. "Well, we pride ourselves on taking the best possible care of all of our patients. Jim tells me that Pete is showing signs of coming around. Has he been awake at all?" As he was asking this, he had gone around to the other side of Pete's bed and was doing a quick visual assessment of Pete and the machine readings. As he was doing this, a nurse came into the room and stood at the foot end of Pete's bed, as if awaiting orders from the doctor.

"Yes, Doctor; he woke up for a few minutes and was a little agitated at the tube in his throat; he reached for it a couple of times…I'm guessing that he doesn't like it very well."

"Well, not too many people do like it. We'll see about getting it out just as soon as I check him over. If everything looks good, we'll have it out in a few minutes. I am going to ask you and Jim to wait in the hallway while I see about removing the tube. It will take a little bit, why don't you go get some coffee at the nurses' desk and we'll let you know when you can come back in.

Pete had once again woken up and was silently watching and listening to the group that was gathered at his bedside. He had caught bits and pieces of the conversation through his twilight sleep, but he was coherent enough to hear the words 'removing the tube.'

Jim, who had been standing quietly and watching his friend, smiled and said "Sure thing, Doctor. We'll be waiting in the lounge down the hall." He then nodded to Jillian who brushed back a stray hair from Pete's forehead and then leaned down to give him a small kiss, saying in a low voice "I love you Honey; I'll be back in a few minutes."

He blinked and squeezed her hand in response and then watched as she and Jim left the room. Even in his state of semi-awareness he was thinking, _my little rock...she's holding up well…this can't be easy on her._

Once they were out in the hallway, away from where Pete could hear, Jillian turned to Jim and said, "Okay Jim, how are you doing…emotionally? And don't try to snow me with a standard 'I'm okay', you got it?"

"I'm okay, Jillian…really, I am…especially now that we know Pete's going to be okay. I haven't heard anything else about Roy. Have you?"

"No Jim, I haven't. I would like to run down and find Leah so I can find out what's happening. I know that once Pete's able to talk, he'll be asking for details about what happened. I just don't know how much I should tell him, Jim. I don't want to upset him, yet I know he's going to ask; and you and I both know that I'm not going to be able to keep him from finding out about Roy for very long, no matter how hard I try to skirt the issue."

Jim stood there, staring at the hospital corridor floor, toying at some unseen object with the toe of his shoe. He was contemplating what Jillian had just said. He'd been where she was at a few times, and he knew that she was correct in that Pete would want to know everything…including why his partner left him behind. The guilt was beginning to surface once again as he quietly said, "Don't worry, Jillian…I'll take care of telling Pete what happened if you want me to." Jillian noticed that the anguish was back in his eyes once again. He then turned to walk down the hallway, "I'll be right back…I just need to find the restroom."

Watching as Jim made his retreat down the hallway, Jillian stood there thinking _I wish that Jean would get here soon. He's so bottled up that I think she's the only one that can bring him out of this state of feeling guilty. I can't let him see Pete while he's like this…Pete will pick right up on it and really be full of questions._

Almost as if she had conjured Jean up just by thinking about her, Jillian looked up and saw Jean coming down the hall toward her. She looked worried, yet relieved, and it didn't take a genius for Jillian to know that the worry was for Pete and that the relief was that Jim was okay.

Stopping in front of Jillian, Jean put her arms around her friend and gave her a long, much needed hug. Pulling away she asked, "Jillian, how's Pete? How are you doing? Is there anything I can get you or do for you? And Roy…any news on Roy's condition?"

Jillian smiled at her good friend, and held up her hand to stop the barrage of questions. "Pete's just beginning to wake up. Dr. Brackett is in there now, hopefully taking out the breathing tube. I don't have an update on Roy…I hope to be able to go down and find Leah in just a little bit…I know that Pete will be full of questions. I'm fine and I don't need anything, but thanks for asking. But Jean, there is one thing that you need to know…it's Jim…he's really harboring some feelings of guilt about what happened, yet there is no fault to be had on his or anyone else's part…I think he's going to need you here with him more than he realizes. I tried to talk to him, but you know how stubborn he and Pete both are…they keep things bottled up and to themselves."

Jean was nodding her head; she knew just what Jim needed and just as soon as she could get him alone, she was going to get him to talk. "Where is he now?"

"He made some excuse about finding the restroom just before you got here. I would think that he'd be back shortly."

"Okay…I'll get him to open up, don't worry."

Both women stood silently lost in their own thoughts. This was how Jim found them when he came back down the hallway.

Walking up and putting her arms around her husband, Jean said, "Oh Jim, honey…how are you doing?"

Jim put his arms around her and just held tight, not saying a word for several minutes. Jillian, sensing that they needed these moments alone, was just about ready to walk down to the lounge area when Pete's door opened and the nurse peeked out, saying "Mrs. Malloy? Dr. Brackett would like for you to step back in here for moment."

"Oh, okay." _Oh Lord, please let him be okay._

Following the nurse back into Pete's room, Jillian's eyes immediately landed on Pete and her heart nearly swelled right out of her chest with the love that she felt for him. The head of his bed had been slightly raised, the breathing tube had been taken out, and he was holding her gaze steady as he slightly smiled at her. Immediately she was at his bedside, leaning over to give him a gentle kiss.

"Now Pete," Dr. Brackett started in, "I meant what I said…take it slow with trying to talk. I don't want you to overdo it. Your esophagus and vocal chords sustained some damage. They'll heal, but they need to be rested as much as possible….is that clear?"

Pete started to open his mouth, when Jillian jumped in and said "Honey, I think you'd just better nod your head…you're not supposed to talk."

Dr. Brackett smiled at Pete and said, "Well, I guess I won't have to worry about you not following orders as long as you have Jillian around to keep you in line." This caused Pete to give him a sheepish smile. Turning toward Jillian, Dr. Brackett continued to dole out the do's and don'ts that he expected Pete to follow and ended on the note that he would be back to check on him later. If they needed anything, they were to page the nurse.

After he left the room, Pete reached out for Jillian, patting the edge of the bed beside him. She sat down and leaned forward, putting her arms around her husband and just holding him close for a few minutes. Pete put his arms around her, as well, and closing his eyes, he held her tight, thinking about how much he loved her and their unborn child. Ever so faintly and raspy sounding, she heard "Sunshine…I love you."

Pulling back, she put on her most determined look, "Peter Joseph Malloy…you heard the doctor…you aren't supposed to be talking!"

"Te..tell me…what happened…please." Though he remembered the library call, he couldn't recall anything that had happened after they had found the girl and were headed toward the doors.

"You and Jim were on a call about a man with a gun at the library and…"

"No, after…fire."

"There was a fire that started while you were in there. The building was evacuated. You and Jim thought everyone was out, but it turns out a young girl was still in there, so the two of you went back in to get her out. On the way out, you got separated for some reason." _Why did you get separated?_ Jillian wanted to ask him, but didn't.

"Th..then what?" Pete barely managed to get out as a coughing fit overtook him. After several seconds, things settled down for him and Jillian held the straw to his lips as he sipped a little water. The force of the coughing took a lot out him and Jillian was hoping that he would save the rest of his questions for later. No such luck. Though he was exhausted, he tried again, "Then…what?"

"Jim got out and immediately realized that you and the little girl weren't behind him. He wanted to go back in after you, but by then the fire department was there, and they went in for you and the little girl." Pete nodded for her to go on; "Johnny and Roy found the two of you, and Johnny got the little girl out; Roy had you…" Jillian's voice had trailed off and she prayed that Pete would take the answer at face value for right now, and not ask anything else. Fate was not going to be that kind to her today.

Sensing her hesitation to go on, he knew there was something that she wasn't telling him. As he searched her eyes for answers, "Sunshine…please…I need to…know."

Taking a deep breath, she knew that directness was the only approach that would satisfy Pete, so she plunged in, "You were unconscious; Roy had you. There was a shelf or something that collapsed and you and Roy were trapped for about twenty minutes until the fire crew could pull you both free from the debris."

"Roy? He's okay?"

"I don't know all of the details…I need to go find Leah and see how he is. They…uhm…they were talking about him needing some surgery. He injured his back in the collapse."

Pete closed his eyes briefly, digesting what he'd just heard. He could sense from Jillian's body language that there was more to the story; he also knew that she wouldn't tell him anything else that she didn't feel he was physically or mentally ready to hear. Still, he had to try. How…bad?"

"I don't know, Pete. They won't know until after he has his surgery."

"Paralyzed?"

Jillian wouldn't meet his gaze and that was all the answer he needed. "Go…find Leah; find out…please Sunshine…I need to…know."

Nodding her head, Jillian gave her husband another hug and then stood up to go find Leah. "Jim and Jean are in the hallway…you're partners' chomping at the bit to see you…do you feel like seeing them, right now?"

Pete nodded his head and Jillian left his room in search of Leah. Out in the hallway, she stopped to tell Jim and Jean that Pete wanted to see them. She also filled Jim in on what she had told Pete. They promised that they would stay with him until she came back upstairs to his room. She watched them go in and then headed for the elevators.

********

The elevator door had just opened and Johnny was just stepping on so that he could head up to Pete's room to check on him. Just stepping out of the elevator, in search of Leah, was Jillian. For the second time that night, Johnny and Jillian nearly had a head on collision with each other.

"OH! Johnny…we've gotta stop these hallway rendezvous…people are going to start talking!" She could've sworn that he blushed a little at her statement.

Giving her one of his famous Johnny Gage smiles, "Hey Jillian; I was just on my way up to see Pete. How is he?"

He's awake and Dr. Brackett was up a little while ago and took out the breathing tube. He's okay, but he's asking questions, though. Questions about the fire, and what happened. I told him as much, yet as little as I could. He's awfully anxious for word on Roy…that's what I'm trying to find Leah for."

"They are definitely taking Roy up to surgery as soon as they can get things squared away. He has a blood clot on his spinal cord and they are not sure how much damage has been done. Leah didn't take the news very well when Dr. Brackett told her. There was a...uhm... a scene in his office when she found out."

"What do you mean, 'a scene'? Is she okay? I'd like to go and see her...that is if you think that she'll see me. She may want some time to herself...to think. What do you think, Johnny? You know her pretty well."

"She got really angry when she found out that there might be permanent damage or that Roy might not make it through surgery. What I walked in on was her throwing some books in his office after throwing a glass ashtray against the wall. It was pretty intense. Leah is just not used to being in situations beyond her control. She cried it out but I don't think that she has really worked through this quite yet."

"I'm sure this can't be easy on her at all. I know that she told me one time that Roy and the kids are the only family she has, except for close friends, of course. I can't imagine what's she's going through right now...the not knowing is the worst. Do you think it would help if I talked to her? Or do you think that she'd even open up to me?"

"Jill I really don't know if she will or not, but what I do know it that she needs all the friends she can get right now. Leah is angry and I'm not sure exactly who or what she is directing it toward. I'm there for her and she knows that but another woman's point of view can't hurt; just remember she's hurting and if she doesn't open up don't take it too personal. She is still the fighting street kid from East L.A., at least that is what she told me earlier."

"Sounds to me like she'd be better off talking to someone who knows what that life is like...someone like Pete, maybe. He's been a police officer for a long time...he's bound to have come across this type of thing before. I just don't know if he'd be strong enough to talk to her, just yet...or if he would even feel comfortable with it or not. He won't admit it, but I can see it in his eyes that he's harboring some guilt at Roy's getting hurt trying to rescue him. Heck, even Jim is still beating himself up...but at least Jean's here now...she'll straighten him out."

"You know that is not a bad idea. Are you going to tell him what is going on because if she knows that she was set up that could turn out real bad. She is on the edge right now as it is."

"I'll talk to him. Knowing Pete, he'll definitely talk to her, but I just can't let him until he's a little stronger, Johnny. I hope you understand. It took a lot out him to hear what little bit I did tell him, even though I didn't want to…but even lying weak in a hospital bed, he can be pretty persistent. So far, he's accepted what little I have told him, but I know that before long, he's going to be asking more questions…and like I said, he's holding onto some guilt that he's responsible for Roy getting hurt."

"That's crazy! He is in no way responsible..." Then seeing the smile Jillian was giving him he realized what she was thinking, "I know, I know, I would be the same way. Hazard of the job, you take things personally. I hope you can straighten him out and if not then Roy can just as soon as he is able; hopefully in a couple of days. You said Pete was still weak, think he is up to visitors or would you rather I wait until tomorrow when he is stronger?"

Jillian let out a small laugh, "I'm sure I'll be able to straighten him out…but if not, I'll call in Roy as reinforcement…but if Pete knows what's good for him, he won't let it get that far."

Then turning a bit more serious, "He's weak, Johnny, but I think it would do him an awful lot of good to see you for a little bit. And I'm sure he's going to ask you questions…just don't let him overdo it; Dr. Brackett wants him go easy on the talking so that his vocal chords and esophagus can heal. She chuckled when Johnny smiled, "But I guess you would already know that since you're a Paramedic; Jim and Jean were just going in when I left to search for Leah. Do you know where I can find her? I'd like to go check on her for a little bit and then I'll be heading back up to Pete's room."

"Well if they have taken Roy on up to surgery she will most likely be in the surgical area waiting room, that's on the 5th floor right past the nurses' station. If she's not there my guess is she'll be in the lab; that's her get-away or better yet hiding place; and don't worry I'm good at dodging the medical questions." Johnny smiled, "I do that every day even though it's not usually with a police officer who knows how to interrogate."

Smiling at Johnny's assessment of Pete's police skills, "And he does know how to do that, and very well, so watch yourself, huh? I'll check the waiting area first and if she's not there, I'll go to the nurses' station and have someone call the lab...I don't think I can get in there on my own without some kind of medical clearance."

Studying Johnny's face a little harder before turning to part ways, Jillian observed the strained, tired look in his eyes. _I really don't think that man has sat still once during this entire ordeal…he looks like he's barely holding on by a thread. _ "Johnny, how are YOU doing? You've been flitting around here, checking on Roy and Pete, taking care of everyone else…Leah, Jim, your crewmates and even me…who's taking care of you? Are you holding up okay? I know I don't much about all of the medical side, but coming from a family the size of the one I came from, I've gleaned a pretty good skill of listening…you know…if you want or need someone to talk to."

"Oh, I'm ok." As Johnny flashed that grin at her, Jillian thought, _H_ow did I know that answer was the one I was going to get? I think it is in the training manual for all Fire and Police personnel! "I'm a little tired, but believe me when I tell you that they have all been on the waiting end where I am concerned. You know I have the reputation for the most injuries for B shift at Station 51. Cap says it's because I'm accident prone but I say it's because they are all chicken and I have to pick up their slack on dangerous calls." They both shared a chuckle. "No really I'm ok, though I'm anxious to get home in the morning to see April and hug the kids; Drew and Gage and Gracie, those two are just like my own."

Slightly nodding her head at him, she wasn't totally convinced, but she figured that he'd been in this job long enough to know whether or not he needed to talk or just needed space so she wasn't about to push.

"You're a good man, Johnny Gage and the people in your life are lucky to have you...heck, even I can see how special you are...and I've only known you for a short while." Giving him a quick hug, "You go and see Pete, now...I need to go and find Leah." As the both turned to head in opposite directions, Jillian called out over her shoulder, "And Johnny....I meant what I said...if you need to vent...I'm a good listener."

Looking over his shoulder and flashing that irresistible smile, "Thanks, Jill...I'll keep that in mind."

Jillian went back to the elevators and rode up the fifth floor, the surgery floor. She figured that if they had just taken Roy up there recently, that would probably be the most likely place that she would find Leah. Passing the nursing station, Jillian found the surgery waiting area and went in quietly. It didn't take her long to find Leah, sitting by herself, staring at the floor, lost in her thoughts.

Quietly, Jillian ventured, "Leah?"

Looking up from the floor, "Oh, hi Jillian. How's Pete? I'm sorry I haven't been up to see him."

"Leah, Pete's fine…that's not why I'm here. I'm here to check on you…to see how you are doing. And to see how Roy is."

"How'd you know where to find me?"

"I ran into Johnny in the hallway…he was on his way up to Pete's room; I was on my way down to find you. He told me about Roy's having surgery tonight."

"They just took him up a little while ago. I don't think that he'll be out of surgery for several hours, at least."

"Are you holding up okay, Leah? Can I get you anything?"

"No, Jillian, I'm fine…thank you for asking, though."

"You're welcome. Do you mind if I sit with you for awhile? We don't have to talk…sometimes it just helps to have someone near, you know what I mean?"

Leah quietly shook her head and resumed her vigil of staring at the floor. The silence in the room was deafening, but Jillian stayed with her for the better part of a half hour, and then when she couldn't stand the silence anymore, "Leah, I am going to go back up to Pete's room. I'm sure Jim and Jean probably want to get home to Jimmy and I don't want to leave Pete by himself for too long. Do you need anything before I go?"

Shaking her head 'no', Leah gave Jillian a slight smile as Jillian bent down to hug her. "Thanks again, Jillian…for checking in on Roy and me. Tell Pete that I will be up to see him soon, okay."

"Okay, I'm sure Jim and Jean will stop down here on their way out." Jillian said as she reached the waiting room door and opened it.

"I'll be here," was the quiet reply that Jillian heard as she was leaving the waiting room.

On the way back to Pete's room, Jillian's thoughts were reeling, _Boy, Johnny was right…she doesn't look good. She looks like she could snap in two with a gentle breeze! And she sure isn't talking…I dare not push her…she's definitely on edge. I have to get Pete to talk to her…he'll get her to open up._

_Back at Pete's room…_

After speaking with Leah in the surgery waiting area, Jillian had gone back to Pete's room and found Jim and Jean standing out in the hallway in front of his door. Jillian's nerves immediately stood on edge, thinking something had happened. As she rushed up to the couple, "What's wrong with Pete? Is he okay?"

Jean reached out to her friend, "Jillian, relax…he's fine. He fell asleep and Jim and I decided to wait out here for you to get back…so we could talk without disturbing Pete."

"Oh…" Jillian replied in a small, strained voice.

"Maybe you should go home and get some rest, Jillian, I'll stay here tonight with Pete." Jim directed to her.

"No, Jim, thank you. I'll be fine…sometimes my imagination just gets a little carried away."

"Well, it's not like you haven't had enough to deal with today. I would imagine that you're exhausted and you probably haven't eaten anything all day; am I right?" Jean directed at her.

Jillian shook her head to Jean's question. "Johnny brought me a sandwich but I just couldn't eat."

"Jillian Rose Martinez Malloy! You know you have to keep your strength up…you're eating for two!" and then turning to Jim, Jean said "Jim, you and I both know that 'miss stubborn' here won't leave Pete again this soon after just getting back up here, so why don't you go to the cafeteria and get her something to eat. Bring it back up here and we will sit with her in the lounge while she eats and then she can fill us in on Roy's condition."

"Okay, Honey. Do you want a sandwich or anything, too?" Jim directed at Jean.

"No, I'm fine…but I'd bet that you haven't eaten either, so don't come back up here without something for yourself, too." Then turning to Jillian, "And you, while Jim is gone, you go check on Pete and see for yourself that he's okay. That way when Jim gets back you have no excuses to not come and sit down and eat something." Jean's tone of voice made it clear to both Jim and Jillian that they had better do as she said.

"Yes, Honey." He smiled as his wife, bending down to give her kiss.

"Yes, Ma'am…whatever you say." Jillian answered as she pushed open the door to Pete's room and went in, leaving Jim and Jean in the hallway.

A short while later, Jim was back and the three were sitting down in the lounge having sandwiches and juice. As they ate, Jillian filled them in on what little news Leah was able to tell them regarding Roy and his condition. As much as she would have liked to have confided in Jim and Jean about Leah's disposition, she didn't. She figured that they would make their own observations when they stopped in to see her on their way out…after all, they knew her a lot better and they would be able to judge how she was holding up.

After Jim and Jean left Jillian for the evening, Jillian went back into Pete's room, pulling the chair up to his bedside and taking his hand. She was exhausted, and quickly fell asleep with her head resting on the edge of the bed, not waking up all night, even when the nurse came in to check on Pete or to drape a blanket over Jillian's shoulders.

Alone in the surgery floor waiting room…

Leah looked at the clock on the wall in the surgery floor waiting room; 6 PM in the evening. Who could have known that the day was going to turn out like it had? Roy and Leah had spent a wonderful day at home the day before playing with the kids. They had decided to put off the chores that needed attention around the house and just play. _I am so glad that we did that now, _Leah thought to herself as she sat alone and in the room that was deathly quiet.

The rest of Station 51's crew had left earlier in the day on a rubbish fire call and was surely back at the station by now. Roy's shift replacement had arrived and after seeing about Pete and Roy and checking in with the wives Johnny left to finish his shift with a promise to come back tomorrow with April and bring the kids as soon as he could. Mac had gone back to the Police station before the end of watch and shift change to update Pete's fellow officers. Jim was with Jillian waiting on news about Pete; so here Leah was, alone with only her thoughts.

6:29 PM: _Tick, tick, tick, tick_ was the only sound in the room that she could hear.

7:21 PM: She looked at the clock again; _I wonder how things are going? Why haven't I had an update?_

8:32 PM: Waiting; the waiting was worse than seeing Roy lying on the gurney. _If I could just be with him, holding his hand even if he didn't know I was there. _

9:07 PM: _3 hours, it has been 3 hours now! Something must be wrong for me not to get any word about the surgery yet_.

10:02 PM: _Tick, tick, tick, tick _"That damn Clock!" Leah couldn't stand hearing it any longer and got up from her chair and yanked the cord from the wall and took the clock and stuck it under the table in the corner.

"I take it you don't like our décor?"

Leah spun around upon hearing the voice behind her, "Dixie, what are you still doing here?"

"Dixie smile and said "I'm pulling a double shift for one of my nurses that went home sick; and besides I couldn't leave with one of our best boys going to surgery; now could I?"

"Have you heard anything?"

"Yes, I just got an update; it took a little longer to get to the blood clot because they were having a problem with Roy's blood pressure because of the anesthesia. With the smoke inhalation his lungs aren't in the best shape right now. Joe called Kel into surgery to back him up and they got his BP under control and just got the clot removed and are beginning to repair the damage to the blood vessels."

"And how long will that take?" Leah asked with her voice beginning to quiver just a bit.

"No longer than necessary. There are several vessels that need to be repaired and then they are going to look at the nerves and cord and see if they can assess the damage. It will be a while yet. Do you want some coffee?"

"No thank you just let me know as soon as you know something alright Dixie."

"Leah have you eaten anything today?"

"Yes I had a sandwich a couple of hours ago." She lied; she had not had time to eat that morning when she got to work and had not wanted anything since the accident. Leah just didn't want to go through the hassle about food right now.

"Ok but I will be on duty until midnight if you need anything and I promise that I will let you know just as soon as I know something."

Dixie left and once again Leah was alone in the small room. _I need some fresh air, s_he thought to herself and walked down the corridor to the elevator and went out to the employee courtyard and exhausted fell onto the bench in the garden. She looked up and even though they were in the middle of the city she could still see the stars shining overhead like little diamonds scattered out over a jeweler's cloth.

"Dear God, please watch over Roy and bring him back safely to us. He is a good man who loves his family and gives his life taking care of people he doesn't even know. This world is a better place with him in it. I know you have his other family Joanne, Chris and Jen, but this family needs him now. Don't take him away."

A single tear rolled from Leah's eye and down her cheek and she quickly brushed it away. _Why? Why was this happening to her family? She and Roy had had been through so much together already; why this too?_ She could feel the anger rising up in her chest and against better judgment she pushed it back down deep inside her heart. _I don't care what Kel Brackett says all that matters now is Roy and not my feelings I won't lose control again. Tears are for the weak and for children and __**I am not**__ going to give in to them. _

She got up from the bench not knowing exactly how long she had been sitting there and hurried back to the waiting room to hear more from Roy. When she entered the hallway she looked at the clock at the closest nurse's station; "2 AM how could I have sat out there so long."

She got on the elevator and got off on the floor for surgery; the night nurse stopped her, "Mrs. DeSoto?"

"Yes"

"I've just been looking for you, Dr. Brackett and Dr. Early would like to speak with you. They are waiting in Dr. Brackett's office on the Emergency floor…just take the elevator to the first floor…"

"I know where it is! I work here!" Leah snapped and then instantly regretted talking to the young nurse in that tone of voice when she saw the look on the girls' face. She read her name tag, "Debbie, I'm sorry, it has just been a long day and night." Debbie returned a weak smile and nodded her head in understanding. _Great! Now I am yelling at young girls. Leah, get a grip! _

She headed down to Dr. Brackett's office knowing that the news that she was about to hear was not good news. She took a deep breath, opened the door and walked in and stood looking at the two exhausted surgeons in front of her and she instinctively locked her knees. "Okay Kel, Joe, give me the news."

Joe stood up and put his hand on her shoulder, "Roy is out of danger; he's going to make it." Her knees gave way and she sat hard in the chair directly behind her. Joe and Kel were too tired to notice what had happened.

"And what about paralysis?"

Dr. Brackett was very direct with her, "We don't know yet, everything looked good and we got a blood supply to the cord and nerves, it just depends on how long he was oxygen deprived along with how long there was cord compression. The blood clot may not have formed right away when he took the hit. If it didn't and took a couple of hours to form his chances are good."

"I see."

Joe anticipating her next question, "We should know something for sure in about 12 hours or so. If we are right then he should have return movement in his lower extremities."

"12 hours." She whispered. "12 more hours." _You two just don't understand do you_ _I don't know if I can last another 12 hours. It has already been over 14 hours and now you are asking for another 12 more. I can't take any more not knowing, just tell us! Just tell us that Roy is done that he will never walk again, that his life as he knew it is over. Why won't one of you just tell us straight out…I'm sorry but a worthless, no good gunman took away the heart and spirit of a good man. If Roy can't walk then that man, that gunman deserved to die I hope he... _

"Leah? Leah, are you alright?" It was Joe. "You were a thousand miles away did you hear what we said?

Leah eased the unintentional death grip that she had on the chair arms, "I'm sorry, what was it you said?"

"What Joe said was that as soon as he is out of recovery in about 2 hours you can go and see him, sit with him if you like; but from the looks of it you need to get some sleep yourself. Have you rested any?"

Forcing a smile, "Yeah, I slept for about 3 hours while you were in surgery," she lied, "I'm alright." She said as she stood to her feet.

Dr. Brackett not nearly as convinced and Leah had hoped said, "Okay, then why don't you wait in the Doctors lounge and we will send for you as soon as we have Roy settled back into ICU."

Leah nodded her head and Kel watched her closely and she left the room and Joe observing his concerned look questioned, "What is it Kel?"

"I'm not for sure Joe, but I don't think that Leah is alright with all this."

"Well she has been through a lot today, she is probably tired."

"Maybe you're right, but if you are wrong, then I think that she is an emotional time bomb waiting to explode. I may need to call John Gage."

Leah walked out of Dr. Brackett's office to go once again to a waiting room lost in her thoughts, _more waiting, 2 hours in recovery, ok I can do 2 more hours; that's what I'll do, just 2 hours at a time, but I am going to need coffee. I haven't eaten anything since...let me see...since the evening with Roy and the kids on our day off; that's right we went for pizza. Maybe I should get something to keep my strength...oh no, I can't stomach food right now. I wish I could sleep a little and escape this nightmare for a while, but even Dr. Brackett's pills he tricked me with didn't help so I can forget about that... _

_  
_"Leah, are you going to pour a cup of coffee or stand there until it jumps in your cup?"

Leah jumped, "Johnny, what are you doing here?"

"We had a night run so I thought that I would check on you and Roy."

"I'm fine, just waiting to for Roy to come out of recovery and go back to his room in ICU. It's going to be a couple of hours yet."

"So the surgery went well then?"

"Yeah it did and everything is good so far, they removed the clot, repaired the vessels and checked the spinal cord, we'll know in about 12 hours."

"That is great news!"

"I know, I want to just be near him, Johnny he's my life. Do you know that?"

Johnny knew, "yeah I do know that and you are his. Hang in there for each other, and Leah, lean on your friends, they're here for you too."

"Johnny can I ask you to do something silly? Will you just give me a hug right now?"

Smiling at her he just simply said, "Come here." and he wrapped his arms around Leah and wanted to protect her for his best friend who was unable to comfort her right then. _She is trembling; I am glad that this is almost over. Roy will wake up and be alright and then they both can start to heal._

Then a call came over the handie talkie "Squad 51, are you available?" _Man just about the time she was opening to someone. _"Squad 51 available." he replied. "Leah I'm sorry...I..."

"Johnny its fine, go, someone needs you."

"I'll be back tomorrow for sure."

She watched him go down the hall and then poured that cup of coffee and went and sat down in the waiting area. Time passed as she nursed that single cup until the morning shift nurse came and got her. "Mrs. DeSoto? Your husband is out of recovery and is doing well; we've moved him into a room in ICU. He's awake; you can go see him now."

Her heart leapt just a bit, "One hurdle down one more to go."

"Pardon?"

"Nothing, thank you." Leah headed to the elevator and up to the ICU floor then down the hall. She could see Roy lying still and gently opened the door thinking that he had fallen asleep.

"Hi babe." Roy's voice was low but strong. "Looks like I made it unless I'm looking at the face of an angel and I'm in heaven."

Leah smiled and kissed him on the forehead and brushed his hair to the side, "Now, now my dear DeSoto, I know for a fact that I don't look like an angel. I have been in the same clothes for about 24 hours now."

"I think that you look beautiful."

"And I think that you look handsome, tubes, neck brace, hospital gown and all."

"Ok, ok, I'll cry uncle on that one...so tell me...are you really ok?"

She pulled up a chair beside him and then carefully took his hand, "I'm tired, I won't lie to you, never could, but I have had a lot of adrenaline pumping. I'll be fine as soon as I know that you are."

"Well then let me show you something...look." Leah's eyes followed his, and they fell on Roy's left foot that was moving ever so slightly.

"Oh Roy, you did it! You're moving your foot!" She jumped up and almost too enthusiastically hugged Roy.

"What's going on here?"

"Dr. Early, Joe, look! Watch Roy." Once again Roy moved his foot causing a smile to come across Joe's face.

"That is great! I was hoping you would have some movement soon, if you are going to have a full recovery, I would expect all movement to be back within that 12 hours that we told you earlier...now that I know that you are out of danger I am going to go get some sleep and I suggest that you both do the same."

Joe left the room and Roy still feeling the effect of the anesthesia was falling back to sleep with Leah holding his hand. "Thank you for coming back to me... I love you my darling Roy DeSoto."

"I would never leave you." She heard him whisper back.

"I thought you were asleep."

"Almost, just wanted to tell you 'I love you' again, and that you're not fooling me. I know you and tomorrow we talk." and before she could reply she heard the sound of deep breathing and knew that Roy was asleep.

Leah leaned back in the chair and watched him for a few minutes and thought to herself, _I do love you Roy but you have too much hard work ahead of you to worry about me. I'll be fine._

_Back in Pete's room…_

The morning sun was coming in the hospital windows brightly, cheering up the otherwise drab surroundings. Pete had woken up several minutes ago and was watching Jillian as she began to wake up from her night of slumber in the hard metal chair next to his bed. _Oh Sunshine…you shouldn't have slept in that chair all night…what am I going to do with you? You needed good nights' rest…for you and the baby_.

"Hey, Beautiful, wake up…it's morning and I need my daily dose of Sunshine."

Slowly, Jillian sat up straight, yawning and stretching and twisting and turning this way and that way to work out the kinks in her back, neck and shoulders. That done, she stood slowly and sat on the edge of Pete's bed, leaning forward and placing her arms around him, holding him as tightly as she dared, "Good morning, Honey…I love you so very much. How are you feeling this morning?" She pulled away so that she could read his facial expressions when he talked.

"I feel a lot better than I did last night…that's for sure. My throat hurts a little, but that's all."

"Dr. Brackett said that's because of the tube they had in."

"Yeah, that's normal."

Dr. Brackett entered the room on that note and saw Jillian sitting on the edge of Pete's bed, gazing adoringly at her husband. "What's normal, Pete? Your wife hovering at your side waiting to keep you in line so you'll do as you are told? Has he been behaving himself, Jillian?"

Jillian quickly rose up from the bed and turned toward the doctor, "Good morning Dr. Brackett. As far as I know he's been the model patient."

"Well that's certainly surprising news." Dr. Brackett smiled as he chided Pete, who just shrugged his shoulders and smiled back.

"Jillian, if you'll step outside a moment, I want to give Pete the once over, and then we'll see if we can get him released yet today."

"Okay, Doctor; Honey, I'll be right outside."

Just then, the door opened and Dixie walked in, "No, you'll be back up in the phlebotomy lab. They need to do a blood re-draw. You haven't eaten or drank anything yet this morning, have you?"

"No…but wasn't four vials of blood enough for them yesterday?" Jillian asked, slightly concerned. Even Pete and Dr. Brackett had picked up on the inflection in her voice. Pete looked in Dixie's direction, hoping to get some idea of what was going on. 

As if reading everyone's mind, Dixie said, "Apparently, they laid your vials aside and it was right after that when they brought Pete and Roy in. Pete had blood drawn as well and…well, the lab saw his vials there, with his name on them, and ran the tests that they were supposed to run. Your vials, also with Pete's name on them, only prefaced with a 'Mrs.' were left unnoticed on the counter top. Later on, someone saw them, and again overlooked the 'Mrs.' and only saw 'Peter J. Malloy' on them and called up to see if the lab results had been sent to the doctor. They were told that they had, so they discarded the four vials. Now, they need more blood, because your doctors' office called over here wanting the results."

"So it was just a lab mix up…they aren't making up an excuse to draw more blood because they think something's wrong with the baby?" Jillian's voice was low and tinged with concern.

"Yes, just a lab mix up. I'm sure the baby's fine. Now come on, we'll go get the blood drawn and then go have some breakfast in the cafeteria while Dr. Brackett checks Pete over."

"Dixie's right, Jillian, you go with her while I take care of Pete, here. It will be awhile before he's ready to get released anyway. Dix, make sure she eats a good breakfast, okay."

Dixie nodded her head at Dr. Brackett, and Pete piped in with "I love you, Sunshine…Thanks, Dixie."

"No problem, Pete. Kel, why don't you have me paged when you're finished and I'll send her back, then."

He nodded to her and then turned back towards Pete. 

Jillian gave Pete a quick kiss and then turned to follow Dixie.

*****************

Forty-five minutes later…

Jillian re-entered Pete's room, and noticed that he was just finishing up with his breakfast tray and was pushing it away from the bed. His I.V. was gone, and all of the monitors were turned off. 

"Hey, Sunshine. How'd it go? Hurt much?"

"No more than it hurt yesterday…except now I have a matching set," she said as she held her arms out and showed him the cotton-balled band-aid in the crook of each arm.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that twice. Do you feel okay?" You're not lightheaded or anything, are you?"

"No Pete, I'm fine…I'm not lightheaded or nauseated, or anything else that they said a blood draw could cause. Besides, this was nothing compared to what you've been through in the last 48 hours."

"But I'm not expecting a baby!"

"Yes, technically you ARE expecting a baby…you just aren't carrying the baby." Jillian smiled sweetly at Pete and placed a kiss on his cheek.

"Since when do I get kissed on the cheek?"

"Since you had poached eggs for breakfast…yuck!" And then sitting on the edge of the bed, and taking Pete's hand, "So tell me, what did Dr. Brackett say?"

"That I have to have one more chest x-ray and as soon as he reads it, I'll probably get released. They are supposed to be up here to take me down to radiology in a little bit."

"You know, you don't have any clothes to wear home; I should probably run home and get you some, huh?"

"Well, I've kind of gotten used to this hospital gown…I could just go home in it."

"I don't think so Peter Joseph Malloy…as cute as that backside of yours is, I don't want it hanging out in public…you're liable to attract a few stray nurses that want to follow you home…and that would NOT sit well with me!" She shot at him with a stern look…that quickly turned to laughing.

Pete was laughing along with her and said, "Then I guess you'd better go get me some clothes…but, why don't you wait and leave when they come and take me to get x-rayed…I've missed just being able to hold you and talk to you."

"Then scoot over, I'm climbing into bed beside you 'cause I've missed our closeness every bit as much as you, my Love.

After settling herself next to Pete, his arm around her and her head resting on his shoulder as they were stretched out on the hospital bed together, Jillian began to tell him about the meltdown that Johnny had said Leah had had the day before.

"Johnny's really worried about her, Pete. She won't open up and talk to anyone. He's afraid that Roy's injuries are more than she can deal with right now. She's throwing herself into her work and…and well, I'm worried about her too. I think that she needs to talk, but Johnny said that she keeps talking about how she has to be 'tough' because that's how she grew up on the streets of East L.A….Pete, I hate to ask you this, but do you think that when you feel a little stronger, you could maybe talk to her?"

"What if she won't open up to me, even? What then?"

"I don't know, 'what then', all I know is that she is a mess right now, and according to the doctors, she's going to have to have her head on straight in order to help Roy in his recovery. What do you say? Will you do it? She can't know that we put you up to asking her anything, though….okay?"

"Sunshine, if you think it will help her, then I'll do it. Why don't you see if you can find her when you leave to run home and maybe ask her to come up here…tell her I want to know how Roy is doing."

Smiling and giving Pete a kiss, this time on the lips, "Thanks, Honey…you're the best!"

"You promise to keep giving me sweet kisses like that and I'll run up and down the hallways talking to everyone for you."

"Uhn-uhh…not with your backside hanging out!" Jillian grinned mischievously.

Just about then, the door opened and an orderly came in, pushing a wheel chair. Checking his order paper, "Peter J. Malloy?"

"That would be me." Pete replied, as Jillian climbed off of the bed.

"Let's get you in the wheelchair and get you down to radiology for a chest x-ray."

Pete gave Jillian a quick kiss and climbed out of bed and into the wheelchair. "Just bring some sweatpants and a t-shirt for me to wear home, Sunshine."

"Okay, Honey…I'll see you in a little bit." She turned and left the room, heading for the elevators to take her to the main floor.

Leah was staring at the floor as Dr. Early was talking about Roy's condition. "Leah, as you know it's been almost 10 hours and we are not seeing as much improvement as we had hoped for Roy's returned mobility."

"I know he has only been moving his feet and sometimes his legs but I don't see any control."

"That's why I would like to bring in another doctor for a consultation."

"Who? Kel?"

"No it is a new doctor on staff, he is supposed to be the best in this field. Dr. Charles Morrison."

The hope that Leah had been holding on to was beginning to diminish just a bit, "Okay, if that is what you think is best."

It was not long before Dr. Morrison came to Roy's room and unceremoniously walked past her and went straight into the room to examine Roy.

Leah stood at the nurses, desk nervously waiting to hear what would be his conclusion and the results of the examination.

As she stepped out of the elevator on the first floor, Jillian saw Leah standing over near the nurses' desk, by herself. I wonder why Leah isn't in Roy's room? Jillian wondered.

Walking up to the young woman, Jillian said, "Leah? Everything okay?"

Nodding her head, she gave Jillian a slight smile, saying, "Yes, everything is fine. I am just waiting to speak with a specialist about Roy's prognosis. How's Pete doing?"

"He's fine. He's on his way to have another chest x-ray done and then Dr. Brackett said that he would release him after he reads the x-ray. I have to run home and get him some clothes right now, but I don't expect him to be ready to leave for awhile yet….why don't you go up and see him in a little while. He's been asking about how Roy is doing…you know I'm not good with the medical talk…maybe you could go and fill him in."

"Sure, Jillian. I wanted to go and check up on him anyway."

"He'd like that, Leah…thanks." And then checking her watch, Jillian said, "I'd better go get those clothes, now. Let me know I there is anything that I can do, Leah." The two exchanged hugs and then Jillian left to run home. 

About 15 minutes after the Dr. Morrison had gone in to see Roy he was calling Leah to come back into the room.

"Mr. and Mrs. DeSoto, I have looked at all the test results and conducted my own examination and it is in my opinion that there could possible be permanent damage do to the spinal column."

"But you don't know for sure, Roy has had some movement return." Lean commented.

"No there are no exacts where the spine is concerned but in my professional opinion there has been significant damage."

Roy pushed him further for a diagnosis, "So what are you trying to tell us."

"It is not easy when something like this happens but the quicker you can start rehabilitation the quicker you will be able to adjust to your new disabilities."

"Adjust? Dr. you can't be serious."

"Dr. Morrison, my wife is right, I wasn't able to move my legs at all and now there is movement, that has to be improvement,"

"Improvement yes, recovery no. Look I know that you don't want to hear this but denial is part of the healing process that is why a rehab center is the best solution. There is a very good one right here at Rampart."

Leah's anger was beginning to take over her emotions, "Dr. I am not arguing the suggestion of rehab for my husband, but I do resent your suggestion of the prognosis; any improvement is a step toward recovery and I refuse to give up and just think that we have to accept the situation."

Roy was agreeing with Leah, "I do think that I can get better."

"Mrs. DeSoto, I understand that you have some minimal medical training, but leave the diagnosis to the experts and in my expert opinion you and your husband need to accept the injury and its outcome and adjust to accommodate a new life style."

Dr. I don't understand how anyone that has the ability to practice medicine to the point of being considered an expert can have such a narrow minded outlook."

Dr. Morrison began to defend his position, "Now look here.."

Leah was getting angrier, "No, Doctor, you look here, your approach to medicine is callused and uncaring. You don't go to someone and tell them give up, this is it. You have spent an entire 15 minutes with my husband and you have no idea what he is capable of accomplishing."

"Leah..."

"No Roy, this needs to be said...and furthermore Dr. Morrison, I would like to inform you that I am on the Professional Personnel Board of this hospital that reviews complaints filed against Physicians that practice in our facility. Let this be your notice that you will officially be under review as soon as I can file the paperwork and the Chief of Staff will be informed of your conduct today."

"Mrs. DeSoto, let me apologize if there was a misunderstanding..."

"Oh there has been no misunderstanding; I understood you clearly. You're excused Doctor Morrison...I said you are excused."

Without saying anything further, Dr. Morrison left the room and left Leah standing there, fuming over the scene that had just taken place.

Roy quietly tried to talk to her. "Leah, please calm down."

"Roy don't tell me to calm down the way he talked to us was inexcusable."

"I just think that it could've been handled better that's all."

"Handled better? By whom, him or us...or do you mean me?"

"It's just that, Leah, I have never seen you like this, what's going on, talk to me."

"Well Roy I have never seen you like this, and I am so mad right now. He had no right to do this to you."

"Who? What are you talking about?"

"That gunman! The one that put you where you are, he had no right."

"Is that what this is all about? Leah it was an accident, nothing more and nothing less. Whatever the gunman's reason he had to be sick to be driven to that point."

"Sick? Roy, he made a choice and people live and die everyday because of the consequences of their choices, he had no right to destroy our lives."

"Leah please...I love you, and we will work this out, we will get through it."

"Roy, I love you. You are my life; but I can't talk about this anymore. I have got to have some air."

"Don't walk out on me."

"I'm not walking out on you, I just need some air; look Pete Malloy is being released today and I promised that I would see him before he goes. Give me a few minutes to breathe and I will be back."

"Ok but then we are going to talk."

"No I don't think so, I love you, but I am done talking...I'll be back." Leah walked out of the room leaving Roy's mind reeling from what she had just said to him. _Leah, don't give up on me, because I'm not giving up...and I'm not giving up on you either._

_A short wile later, in Pete's room…_

"Okay, Honey, here's your clothes…the nurse cornered me on the way in and I have to go down and sign your admittance and discharge papers. I guess there was such a flurry of activity when they brought you and Roy in that nobody ever thought to have either one of you signed in." Handing the clothes to Pete, "Can you do this yourself, or do you want me to stay and help you?"

"Nah, I'm fine, Jillian…I've been dressing myself for a long time, now…besides, I'd rather have you helping me undre…"

"Stop it, Pete; just please stop! You know my hormones are, uhm, well, uhm…yeah…you get dressed and I'll be back in a little bit." Feeling her face beginning to flush, Jillian turned to hurry out of the room, closing the door behind her so that Pete could have some privacy while getting dressed. She could hear him chuckling as the door closed.

A few minutes later, Leah was standing at Pete's door. She knocked and heard from inside, "Come on in, I'm dressed now..." She opened the door and there was Pete sitting on the side of the bed tying his sneakers and without looking up he continued, "And since when did you start knocking on the door? Especially when you know I'm dressing."

"Well, Pete it just seemed like a good idea at the time." Leah said chuckling.

Startled Pete looked up and replied, "Oh Leah, I'm sorry I thought you were Jillian."

"Obviously; I knew she was going to get you some clothes but where is she? I thought she would be back up here by now."

"She's here, she just had to go down to Admissions and sign some release papers and if I know her she's hunting down Dr. Brackett to get my marching orders...in writing!" Pete was observing Leah as she stood there to chitchat thinking to his self, _Boy Sunshine you sure called this one right, she looks like death standing. If I didn't know her better I would think she's beginning to look like a junkie, she probably hasn't eaten and she hasn't had any sleep that's for sure..." _

Leah was unaware of his observing her and continued with the conversation, "So I hear you are going home today, that's great!" She was not thinking straight and didn't even realize they had already established that fact since Jillian was signing the release papers.

_Ok so she wants to play the small talk game, _"Yeah, I'm ready too, folks here are nice but I think I've had enough hospital pampering for a while." _Come on Leah, get to it. What's eating at you? _"How's Roy?"

"He's good."

"Really? Jillian told me they were bringing in a specialist."

Here Leah began stammering as if looking for the right words to say. "Well no... not really too good...he's going to be ok...as much as he can be."

_My gosh! This is worse than trying to bait a fish _"So his injuries are healing?" _Come on take the bait._

Leah was getting more uncomfortable but knew that she couldn't just walk out in the middle of the conversation. _Where is Jillian or Jim or the nurse, anybody? _"His injuries are healing some and he has some movement...but he can't walk."

_Ok now we're getting somewhere. _"Leah I'm sorry. That's tough; how are you going to deal with everything?"

_Now Pete Malloy you are beginning to get personal "_Well let's just say things are going to be different."

_Come on, come on_ "In what way?"

_You want the truth well let's just see if you can handle the truth._ "I guess you could just say that helping a stranger without knowing their background has finally caught up with Roy." _I'm leaving. _Leah started easing her way back towards the door.

_I'm going to reel this in slowly, _"But isn't that his job?"

Quickly turning on her heels, Leah looked at Pete, her eyes flashing with anger. "His job? To help people with no intention of doing something good with their life? That man wanted to end it all and wanted to hurt or kill other people in the process. Someone like that deserves to die!"

_Bingo! The gunman! Bait taken and fish landed! _"So Leah how are you dealing with all this?"

"I'm fine Pete, really."

_Ok here goes nothing... _"Just who do you think that you are talking to?"

Leah was caught off guard by Pete's tone and temperament, "Excuse me?"

Not backing down, and with voice steady and level, "You heard me. Who do you think you're talking to? Don't try to pull that con on me because I have seen every one in the book and this snow job isn't even believable. When's the last time you slept?"

"What? Last night...I slept last night; why would you even ask that?"

"No you didn't...and if you are telling me you have then something else is going on, what is it?" Pete was edging his way in between Leah and the door.

"Nothing Pete, I'm good."

"Well you look like a wreck, matter of fact you look like one of the common junkies I bust out on the street just about every day...is that what's wrong with you...you on junk now?" _I'm sorry Leah, I care about you, I know this is hard. _

"How dare you. How dare you accuse me of that?"

"Is it true?"

"No it is not true!"

"Then what? _I'm not quitting Leah, come on cop out!  
_  
"It's nothing that I can't handle on my own."

"That's right big bad girl from the East Side of the streets, don't need anyone to survive."

At this point Leah was extremely angry and her temper was very close to the point of explosion and Pete Malloy was right in her line of fire. "That's right I am from the East Side and what's it to ya. We did what we could to survive and I didn't get help from anyone."

"Right and you resent that...we let me tell you something just because you had some bad stuff in your past, and you have been carrying it around like a big chip on your shoulder since, doesn't mean that's the way it has to be."

"How do you know what it's like, you are just one of those blue suits that would wander into our territory just because you were paid to do it. You and your kind, strutting around with your gun and badge in your car all shiny and spoutin' out 'To protect and to serve' then drive off and never lift a finger to help those of us that needed you."

Pete raised his voice to match hers and stood facing her dead on. "Just spit it out Leah, you keep throwing out all these generic words like 'we and us'. Why don't you say what you really mean." _You're doing good girl, keep going, we're about to hit the bottom of this thing.  
_  
"Alright, where were you and your kind when I was on the street needing help, I had to scrape and claw my way off the streets. I was passed from foster care to foster care and sometimes even had to fight while I was there. Where were all you good guys then? You want to tell me that?"

"Ok so you were a system kid, what of it?"  
_  
I can't believe this guy he has no clue! _Leah was now screaming at Pete; opening up a part of her past that she had not shared with anyone. "What of it? Have you ever had to be in a place that you were terrified to go to sleep? Have to listen to every sound in the middle of the night to see if it was coming toward you. Then to be put in a house full of strangers and think that you are finally safe only to hear the knob on the bedroom door open in the middle of the night...resort to stealing kitchen knives to keep them under your pillow while you slept in every piece of clothing that you owned just in case you had to escape through the window in a hurry."  
_  
Just a little more... _"What's that got to do with now?"

Tears were beginning to pour from Leah's eyes as Pete tore down the dam that she had build to hold them in. One by one he removed the stones and threw them aside and she was beginning to crumble. He could see that she was visibly shaken and was trembling from head to toe. "I want to know why...why no one was there for me; no one to protect me! Until, Roy. And now that bastard comes along and takes away the one person that finally gave a damn about me. What will I do? I can't go back to living the way I had to on the streets! I can't make it without Roy, he is my life, and my love and that gunman took it all away...and you and Roy and everyone else out there that day, let him! He was no good. Why couldn't you just let him die?"

"You forget he did die; but Leah let me ask you, what about the little girl? Were we supposed to let her die too?"

"What?"

"The little girl in the fire. Did you forget about her?

"I hadn't thought about her..."

"Yes you have. There were four men that you know, and know well, all in a burning building just to rescue her... to save her; and you want to know where they were at when you were a little girl...why couldn't they have rescued you? Well I can't tell you, because we weren't there. Do you think for one minute that if I, or any one of us, had been, me or Roy, Johnny or Jim, we wouldn't have fought for you...well we couldn't because we weren't there."

Leah turned her back to Pete in silence but Pete went to her and took her by the shoulders forcing her to face him, to face her past, "We weren't there Leah but we're here now and you are shutting us out! We can't help you if you shut us out! You want to be the little girl and you want someone to rescue you...tell me I'm wrong!"

Leah's trembling grew worse and worse. Pete was beginning to wonder if he had pushed too far and became gentler in his voice, "Leah, have you slept since we were brought to the hospital?" She shook her head. "When have you eaten last?" She was beginning to have a far off look in her face. "Leah, When have you eaten last?"

"I'm not sure...I don't remember."

"Okay, think, have you eaten anything since we have been here?"

"No...Pete, help me, something's wrong…I...can't...breathe..." Pete's hands were still on her shoulders when he felt her body beginning to go limp, he reached behind her and scooped her up and gently laid her on the floor with her head in his lap when she started having a seizure.

He heard the door opening and looked up to see Jim who had stopped by to see if he needed anything. "Pete what's wrong?"

"Jim go find a doctor, get Dr. Brackett."

Jim rushed out the door and down the hall only to run into Johnny who came by because he had heard the Pete was going home. "Whoa, Jim what's the rush, you nearly ran me over."  
Johnny smiled at him.

Out of breath Jim answered, "Johnny, it Leah, she's in Pete's room. It looks like she is having a seizure."

Without a word John Gage took off running to Pete's room to find him lifting Leah off the floor to lay her gently on the bed. "What happened?"

"She hadn't eaten or slept in over 48 hours, not to mention the stress."

"48 hours! What was she thinking, did she say anything?"

"Only that she couldn't breathe."

"Okay then, hand me that mask on the wall and turn the knob to 3 liters and let's see if we can get her color back. Was Jim going for a doctor?" Johnny began to assess her condition and taking vital signs with the equipment in the room.

"Yeah I told him to go find Brackett since he had an idea of what was going on with her. That has a lot to do with this."

"You know about the scene in Brackett's office?"

"Yeah, I forced the rest of it out of her. This may be my fault."

"No this would have eventually happened regardless, better sooner than later. Her body couldn't have taken much more."

They waited for what seemed like an eternity until Dr. Brackett and Jim burst through the door. "Johnny what happened."

"Doc she hasn't slept or eaten in over 48 hours and she collapsed with a seizure, Pete here caught her. Her respirations are very shallow, at about 6, Pulse is 120, BP is 100/50 and her pupils are equal but sluggish.

"Her body is beginning to shut down and she is going into shock, let's get her downstairs we've got to get her on a glucose IV stat. Johnny help me move her to the ER."

Jillian had just stepped off the elevator, when Johnny and Dr. Brackett hurriedly passed by her, pushing Leah on a gurney. _Oh, no…Leah._ Jillian quickly made her way down to Pete's room and went in. Pete was sitting on the edge of the bed, hands on his knees and head hanging low. Jim was standing off to the side, not saying anything, but watching his friend closely.

"What happened?" Jillian asked.

Pete slowly looked up at her with guilt-filled, anguished eyes. He looked as though he had been through hell and back. Jillian was immediately in front of him and he reached out to embrace her in a hug. She could feel his body trembling as she stood there holding him. Jim, sensing that his partner needed some time alone with his wife, slipped quietly out of the room, knowing that the best thing he could do for Pete now was to go downstairs and await news of Leah's condition.

Several minutes passed as Jillian held Pete. She knew that he was doing his best to regain his composure before speaking. Finally, an eternity later, Pete broke the deafening silence, and in a low, strained voice said, "I think I pushed her too hard, Sunshine. I pushed, and pushed and pushed some more…I didn't let up until she just…she just fell apart. She just collapsed. I pushed her TOO hard and now…"

"…And now she's going to be okay Pete. You did what you had to do; what had to be done. You made her open up all of the old, festered wounds that needed to be purged so that she can begin to heal…so that she and Roy can begin to rebuild their lives, as well, no matter what happens."

"But I could see that she was ready to break…I should've backed off, tried another tactic…if I'd have known that this would happen, I would have."

"And she still would have been bottlenecked, Pete. She wouldn't open up to Dr. Brackett or Johnny…and they are extremely close to her. She was even shutting Roy out. As her friend, you did what you knew would help. You can't beat yourself up about it…all you can do, we can do, is be there for her now…you've helped her take that first step that nobody else could get her to take. That's not something to be sorry for. Now come on, you've been discharged. We'll stop down and check on her and Roy on our way out." With that said, Jillian took Pete's face in her hands and gave him a gentle kiss, "I love you Pete Malloy…you are good man and a wonderful friend."

"I love you too, Jillian…what would I do without you?"

Jillian gave Pete another tight hug, "Do you want me to go get you a wheelchair, or do you feel strong enough to walk…or run if the nurse catches you leaving on foot?"

"I'm okay, Sunshine; I'll walk." With Jillian watching him closely, Pete slowly stood up, and then realizing that his body was just physically and emotionally drained, he sat back down on the edge of the bed.

"Stay here, I'll be right back." Jillian left the room to go find a wheelchair; giving Pete the time that she knew he was in need of, in order to regroup before going to see Leah and Roy.

A short bit later, Pete was settled into the wheelchair and a male orderly was pushing him toward the elevator, Jillian walking along side of him with her hand on his shoulder. As they reached the elevator, Jillian turned toward the orderly, "Thank you…I'll take him from here."

"Ma'am, hospital policy states…"

"I understand what the policy is, but we aren't leaving just yet; we have a couple of stops to make while we're here…and they make take awhile. I'm sure you have several other patients that want to get out of here as soon as possible…don't worry, I know for a fact that his doctor wouldn't have a problem with this."

"Well…okay, then. Just sign here that he was transported okay." The orderly gave Jillian a paper to sign and then turned to go get his next transport.

"That was smooth, Sunshine."

"I didn't tell him anything that wasn't true, my Love; we are making a couple of stops and I don't think Dr. Brackett would object…but then, I'm not going to take a chance on that and ask his permission, mind you." This brought a small laugh from Pete. _It's good to hear his laugh, _Jillian thought. She was still worried about how exhausted he appeared, but she figured that he wouldn't rest until he had the chance to see Leah and Roy for himself. There'd be plenty of time for rest and recuperation when she got him home.

Pete and Jillian found Jim standing near the nurses' desk in the ER. As soon as he saw them coming down the hallway he quickly made his way to them and took over pushing Pete in the wheelchair. Locking eyes with Jillian, he silently asked 'how's he doing?' Jillian responded by ever so slightly shrugging her shoulders while barely shaking her head. If Pete were aware of their silent conversation, he never let on, he was lost in his own thoughts.

"Jim is there any word on Leah's condition?"

"Dr. Brackett and Dixie are in there with her now. Johnny just went down to Roy's room to let him know that Leah collapsed…he doesn't want him to hear it through the hospital grape vine."

Pete still hadn't said anything yet; he continued to sit where he was at, with Jillian's hand resting on his shoulder. He started to get up out the wheelchair, but Jillian put a little pressure on his shoulder, convincing him that it would behoove him to stay where he was at for now. He looked over his shoulder, giving her a questioning look. "Pete, you stay here with Jim, I want to go give April and Jean a call and let them know what's going on with Leah. They'll want to know what's happened, and I'm sure that when she wakes up and can have visitors, she's going to want…and need, her friends here with her." She then, directed her attention to Jim, "Keep him in line, I'll only be gone for a little bit." Jim nodded his head and Jillian left to go find the payphone.

Jim, sensing Pete's mood and knowing that his partner was trying very hard right now to keep his emotions in control, "Jillian's getting pretty good at giving you orders, partner. I noticed that you didn't argue with her about staying right where you're at." Pete just looked at Jim and gave him a small smile. _Boy, he didn't even take the bait…he's really feeling bad about this. C'mon, Pete, you had to do it…quit beating yourself up._

A short time later, Jillian came back down the hallway. By this time, Johnny had come back from Roy's room, having filled his very worried partner in on what had transpired. "Johnny, I hope you don't mind, but I called April and told her about Leah. She's going to see if her Mom can go over and take care of the little ones. She wants to be here for Leah when she's up to having visitors."

"No, Jill…thanks. I hadn't even thought to give her a call. I'm sure Leah will want her here when she wakes up. They are best friends and have been through a lot together. Besides, Leah's going to need all of her friends around her for support…for quite some time, I'm sure."

"Jim, Jean is taking Jimmy over to her folks' house and then she's coming up here, also."

"Thanks, Jillian."

"Pete how are you doing, Buddy?" Johnny directed toward Pete who was still sitting silent.

Johnny could see the sorrow and fatigue in Pete's eyes, "M'okay…just a worried about Leah…Johnny do you think you could go in there and see if there's any news on her yet?"

"Sure thing, Pete. I'll be right back…why don't you three wait in the doctor's lounge…it will be more comfortable for you." He went into the treatment room as Jim pushed Pete into the doctor's lounge, followed by Jillian. Once in the lounge, Pete slowly raised himself out of the wheelchair and sat down in one of the chairs at the break table. Jim went to the coffeepot and poured three cups of hot, black coffee, carrying over Jillian and Pete's to them before getting his own and sitting down at the table next to Pete. Jillian pushed the wheelchair over into the corner and then sat down at the table and reached out to take Pete's hand in hers. Together, the three sat there, in silence, waiting for Johnny to come back.

Finally, Pete spoke, "I wish we'd hear something soon…"

The door opened and Johnny came back in to find three sets of eyes anticipating an update. "She's going to be fine. They've got her on an I.V. and she's getting some much needed nutrients. It was a combination of everything…too little sleep, no food, and too much stress…all bottled up. Pete, once you got her to let it out, her body hit overload. Now she needs plenty of rest and a lot of help from her friends" and then directing the last part of the sentence to Pete, "ALL of her friends…that especially includes you, Pete. You are the only one that could get her to open up, so you are the one that can help the most…nobody else really knows what's been driving her to build that wall that she's lived behind since she was kid."

Pete nodded in understanding, "I want to see her, Johnny. When can I?"

"It's going to be awhile yet; Dr. Brackett gave her something to help her sleep for a while. She's mentally and physically exhausted…but she's okay."

Knowing that Pete wouldn't leave the hospital until he'd seen for himself that Leah was okay, Jillian squeezed his hand in hers, "We'll wait, Pete…you need to talk to her before you leave here…for both of your sakes." _And I'll be here to help pick up the pieces for you afterwards because I know that you're beating yourself up about this._

"Sunshine, I love you…thank you…for understanding."

Johnny poured a cup of coffee for himself and then sat down in the fourth chair at the table, keeping vigil with the others. There was little conversation and a lot of silence…long, long stretches of loud, deafening silence.

_Okay, I can't stand this…I've gotta get out of here for a little bit. I can't stand to sit here watching Pete in this guilt-ridden state. And look at Jim…I can see it in his eyes that it's tearing him up to see Pete like this too…and Johnny…poor Johnny…he's a regular rock, but the worry lines and black circles of fatigue are starting to etch out their presence on his face, as well. I've gotta get out of here._

"Excuse me gentleman…I need to step out for a bit."

"Everything okay, Sunshine?"

"Yeah, Honey. I just need to walk a little bit...you know that I can't sit still for very long. Besides, I'm sure Jean and April will be here pretty soon. Maybe I can intercept them in the hallway so they know where we're waiting at." _Not to mention that I'd like to go and see Roy…to thank him._

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"No; but thanks for asking. I'll be back in a little bit." She gave Pete a quick kiss and turned toward the door.

_No? Uh-oh…something's wrong. _Try as he might, Pete sat there studying Jillian's face for any signs of something being wrong, but there was nothing that he could read in her expression that gave credence to his suspicions.

The three gentlemen watched as Jillian turned the knob and walked out of the break room.

"Do you want me to check on her for you Pete?"

"No, Jim. She's okay. She really doesn't sit still for very long at a time, so I imagine she's just a bit restless." Then giving his partner a slight smile, "Besides, she'd skin me alive if she thought I was sending out the troops to check on her. Thanks, though."

Jillian walked down the hallway toward Roy's room. The door was slightly ajar and she could see that he was alone in the room, lying flat on the bed. Looking a little closer she could see him blink every so often so she knew that he was awake. Knocking lightly, she awaited his acknowledgement and then went in, approaching the bed slowly.

"Hi Roy. It's Jillian. I just wanted to stop in and check on you." She had approached the bed, but wasn't quite in Roy's full view at the moment.

"Hey, Jillian. How are you? Everything going okay with you?"

"Oh, yeah…just growing bigger and wider every day."

Slightly laughing, "I hear expecting a baby will do that to you."

"Yeah…I guess so." Jillian moved a little closer to the bed so that she could look into Roy's eyes. "I…uhm…just wanted to stop in and check on you. Pete and I both have been thinking about you. He'll be down in a little while."

"Leah told me that he's going home today. That's really great."

"Yes, it is." Jillian wasn't sure just how to phrase what she had come there to say so she just took the plunge, "Roy, I want to say thank you…thank you for being there for Pete…in the library. If it weren't for you, being there…doing what you've been trained to do, I wouldn't be here to take Pete home today…I'd probably be making funeral arrangements right now."

"Jillian, you don't have to thank me for doing my job. I'm just glad that I could be there to help…though I don't think I helped much…"

"Roy, I know that Pete was in there, in that heavy smoke, for awhile before you and Johnny got to him and the little girl. I also know that you placed your air mask on him, before the collapse. If it hadn't been for you giving him that much needed pure air, he would've died, Roy. That simple act of pure selflessness saved my husbands' life…and nearly cost you yours. There just aren't enough words to express…" Here Jillian began to get teary eyed and was unable to finish her sentence.

"Hey, Jillian; don't cry…Pete's alive and he's okay; I'm alive and I'm going to be okay, too."

Swiping at her eyes, Jillian smiled down and Roy and touched his hand, "Thanks, Roy."

"You're welcome, Jillian."

"Is there anything that I can get for you before I go back down to the lounge?"

"Can you check on Leah for me, please. Johnny told me what happened in Pete's room. I knew when I talked to her earlier that she was on the edge. Pete did what needed to be done…he knows that, doesn't he?"

"Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows it, Roy…he just won't let himself believe it. I think that's why he hasn't been down here to see you yet; he's waiting for word on Leah, first." _That, and he's feeling guilty about what happened to you. _"I'll see what I can find out and then I'll be back. Are you sure you don't need anything else?"

"No, I'm okay. I'm a little tired so take your time…I'm not going anywhere." Roy's eyelids had grown heavy and he was slipping into sleep as he uttered the last part of the sentence.

Jillian silently said a prayer for his recovery, as well as for Leah's and then silently left Roy's room and headed back to the doctor's lounge to see if there was any update on Leah. Opening the door and going in, she was met with the curious gazes of five people; Pete, Jim, Jean, Johnny, and April.

"Everything okay, Sunshine?" Pete's voice was full of concern. _It's not like her to be so distant._

"Yes, Honey. Oh, hi Jean, hi April. I see you found the guys."

"And we were just getting ready to come and find you. Where'd you get off to?" Jean inquired.

"I just took a little walk…checked in on Roy, he's sleeping right now."

"Johnny was just filling us in on Leah's condition." April informed her.

"Any change on her Johnny?"

"No, Jillian. She's going to be asleep for awhile."

The door to the lounge opened once again and Dr. Brackett came in. Looking around at the multitude of faces, he knew that they wanted the same thing; to know about Leah's condition, so he spent a few minutes re-iterating the information that Johnny had relayed to them a short time ago. After doing so, "If all of you would please excuse us for a moment, I'd like to speak to Pete alone for a moment."

As everyone started leaving the lounge, "Jillian, you can stay…you need to hear this too." After everyone had gone out, Dr. Brackett then turned his attention to Pete, "Pete, why are you still here? I thought you were released a couple of hours ago. You should be home resting."

"I know Doc, it's just that I wanted to try and talk to Leah before I leave…I feel responsible for her being where she's at right now."

"Well Pete, the bottom line is that she's where she's at because she couldn't open up and cope. She wouldn't allow herself to lean on her friends and it finally caught up with her. It would have happened, sooner or later…you're confrontation with her just made it happen a little sooner. She'll be fine, though, so quit blaming yourself and go home and get some rest or I'll re-admit you right now."

"But, Doctor…"

"No arguments, Pete. You let Jillian get you home and you get some rest. Leah's going to be asleep for awhile, yet. You can come back when she wakes up." Still seeing the reluctance on Pete's face, "I'll tell you what, you go home and when she wakes up, I'll give you a call and you can come back and see her. It's either that or you get re-admitted so you'll get some rest. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your wife. She doesn't need to be worrying about you collapsing, too. Now go home."

Dr. Brackett then to Jillian, "Take him home…sit on him if you have too, but make him get some rest…and you get some rest, too. It wouldn't do you or that baby of yours any good to have you getting exhausted!"

"Yes, Sir." Jillian answered as Dr. Brackett turned to leave the lounge. _That man means business!_

Jillian looked over at Pete and he really did look like he could collapse at any moment. "Pete, I'm going to go get the car and let the others know that we're going home for awhile. Will you be okay until I get back?"

His tired eyes met hers and he stood up and reached out for her hand, "You don't have to go get the car, I'm okay to walk. Let's go."

Out in the hallway, they let Jim, who was standing near the nurses' station, know what they were doing before leaving.

"Where's everyone else?" Jillian inquired.

"The girls went down to check on Leah, and Johnny's checking on Roy; and then we're going to get out of here for awhile too. If there's any change before we leave, we'll give you two a call, okay?" Jim replied.

"Okay, thanks, Jim." Then, "Uhm…Jim, when Dr. Brackett calls, do you think you could run me back up here to see Leah?"

Jim cast a questioning look at Jillian, who stood there with a look of disbelief at Pete's question; she met Jim's eyes, and slightly shrugged her shoulders, silently conveying, _I don't know why he's asking you to bring him up here._

"No problem, Pete."

"Thanks, Jim…I'll give you a call when Dr. Brackett calls me. Ready, Sunshine?

Jillian just shook her head. _Maybe he just wants some time to talk to Jim alone…he can probably see that Jim's still reeling from this, too._

Jillian…take care of him, huh?"

"You know it, Jim."

Hand in hand they walked to the car and Jillian drove them home. Once there, she insisted that Pete carry out Dr. Brackett's instructions and lay down for some much needed rest as she followed him into the bedroom and watched him get into bed and get situated.

"You know, if you follow me in here, Sunshine, I probably won't get any rest."

"Yes, you will because I am only in here to change into something a little more comfortable and then I am going to leave you to rest awhile while I fix dinner."

"Mmmm…maybe I'm suddenly not so tired…what did you have in mind to slip into…something satin and sexy?" Pete inquired as he reached out and pulled Jillian down on the bed next to him.

"Uhn-uh…something cotton and comfy…can I borrow a pair of your sweatpants? The baby and I don't fit so well into mine anymore."

Remembering Dr. Brackett's comment to Jillian, Pete took a really good look at her and insisted, "Jillian, Honey, just lay down here with me for a little while; Dr. Brackett told you to rest, too. Besides, I just need to hold you and feel you close to me for awhile, okay?"

_He sounds so worn out and tired…if staying in here will mean that he'll stay in bed and rest awhile, then that's what I'll do. _As she curled up at his side, facing him, with her head resting on his shoulder as he lay on his back with his right arm curled around her "You know, I guess I could use a little nap myself."

They lay there talking for a little bit about Leah and Roy, when Jillian decided that she had to know…she had to know just why Pete stopped in the library when he was so close to getting out.

"Pete?"

"Hmmm?" Pete was starting to doze off, slightly.

"Why DID you stop…in the library? Why didn't you stay with Jim?"

"I thought I saw someone, off to the side, near the bookcases. I stopped to get a better look, realized that I what I saw was only the flames climbing the bookcases…I must have gotten turned around somehow, I couldn't find Jim and the last thing I remember was getting really lightheaded in the heavy smoke and…the rest I don't remember."

"Oh…I just wondered."

They both lay there silently for a few more moments, before Jillian once again spoke. "Honey, when Jim picks you up to go see Leah, you need to tell him that…he's harboring a lot of guilt and feels responsible for not realizing that you weren't still behind him when he got out of the library."

"Guilt? Why? It could have happened to anyone." Pete was beginning to sound like sleep was claiming him.

"Yeah…I know that; and you know that; and somewhere, deep in Jim's mind, he knows that…but he's spent the better part of the last forty-eight hours running through the guilt gauntlet, thinking that he could've done something differently to alter the outcome."

Almost incoherent as he was losing the battle to stay awake and talk, "Yeah…he's always been…one to feel…guilt…ocean deep…and valley…wide…" Pete had dozed off.

Jillian eased herself out of his embrace, and placed a tender kiss on his forehead, "He learned that lesson well from his training officer." She then climbed quietly out of bed and went into the other room, praying that Pete would be able to get a few hours of rest before being called back to the hospital.

****************

At nine-fifteen that evening, the phone rang and Jillian answered it on the first ring so as not to wake Pete, if it wasn't the hospital. It was.

"Jillian, this is Dr. Brackett; I'm sorry to have to call tonight, but…was Pete able to get some rest?"

"He's been sleeping for the last few hours, Doctor."

"That's good. I hate to ask this, but is he available to come back in for a little bit? Leah is awake and she's asking to see him. I tried to get her to hold off until morning, but she's being insistent and I don't think that she'll settle down until she talks to him."

"I understand, Dr. Brackett. Pete is anxious to see her, too…to see for himself that she's okay. He'll be up there within the hour." Jillian hung up the phone and went to wake Pete so that he could freshen up; she then called Jim to come and pick him up.

After showering, Pete was getting dressed as Jillian sat on the bed watching him. "Sunshine, I hope you don't mind that I wanted Jim to take me up there. I need to talk to him…"

"You don't have to explain, Pete, I understand; really, I do. Jim needs to talk to you as much as you need to talk to him right now."

As if on cue, there was knock at the door. Pete, dressed and ready to go, gave Jillian a quick kiss and headed for the door. "Don't wait up for me, Sunshine, I may be awhile. I love you…get some rest, okay."

Jillian nodded her head and watched as he greeted Jim and then shut the door behind him on the way out.

****************

_In the car on the way to Rampart…_

"Thanks for picking me up, Jim. I didn't want Jillian to have to go and sit and wait again. She's kind of tired….though she won't admit it." _Not to mention that we need to talk…now, what's the best way to do this?..._

"Oh you're welcome, Pete."

"You know, I can't believe that I did what I did back in the library. It was a stupid move on my part…stopping, even for a second, in that smoke, without at least reaching out to grab a hold of you and letting you know what I was doing."

Jim was quietly concentrating on driving and finally asked, "Why did you stop, Pete?"

"I thought I saw someone… off to the side. Turned out that it was just the fire making its way up the side of the bookcase. By the time that I realized what it was, I couldn't see two inches in front of me and I got disoriented and lightheaded." _C'mon, partner…that should be all you need to know that it's not your fault at all._

Jim was silently taking this all in. Pete took a quick look at his partner and could no longer see the worry lines of guilt etched on his face. _Good job, Jim… _

Jim looked over at Pete and smiled at him with a genuine, Jim Reed, bright smile, _Thanks, Pete…you knew just what I needed to hear._

*****************

Jim and Pete walked into Rampart a short time later and were immediately greeted by Dr. Brackett and Johnny. After the necessary pleasantries, Jim went into the lounge, leaving Pete to talk with Dr. Brackett and Johnny.

"Pete, I didn't want to have to call you back out tonight, but Leah was very insistent. I thought I might have to sedate her so she wouldn't try to get up and go see you. I hope you understand."

"Sure, Dr. Brackett. I didn't mind coming back up here at all. I need to talk to her, too…just to make sure she's okay."

"Johnny, are you going in to see her now?"

"No Pete, I'm on my way down to see Roy."

"Okay then. Is it okay if I go in there now, Doc?"

"Go ahead, Pete. Try to keep it short, though. I want her to rest as much as possible. I'll be right out here. If you feel that she's getting upset or anything, come and get me immediately."

Pete nodded his head and then walked toward Leah's room and hesitated slightly before knocking on the door, waiting for her to acknowledge him before going in.

Opening the door slowly and entering into Leah's room, Pete focused on Leah lying in the hospital bed across the room. She was propped up slightly and had an I.V. in her left hand and she still looked pretty wiped out.

"Uhm...Hi Leah...how are you feeling?"

Leah looked at Pete and gave him a weak smile, "Oh no you don't, I've been down that conversation before, so I'm going to tell you the truth, I feel like crap, my head hurts, and I feel like I got knocked out in the 8th round of a fight."

Giving her a slight smile, "So you're feeling better...is that what you're trying to say?"

"If this is your idea of better, then yeah I'm feeling better." Leah then became more serious, "Pete I know you've got to be tired but thanks for coming. I needed to see you...to talk to you."

"Don't worry about me, Leah. I'm right where I need to be right now. I, uhm...I needed to come back and make sure you were okay...you know, see for myself.

"Yeah me too, I was kinda rough on you in there. You know Pete, there are things that I remember telling you that I have never told anyone before..... Things that I'm ashamed of, that I tried to forget but can't.."

"I think that maybe I'm the one that should be apologizing for being rough. I never meant for it to get to this point, Leah; I'm sorry that I pushed you as far as I did."

"Forget it...you know better than anyone that a common street kid has to be put in their place from time to time."

"Leah, don't...you're not a common street kid. You may have grown up on the streets, but that was a long time ago. You haven't been that kid in a long time, and you need to quit thinking that you are. It's time you let that kid go."

"I don't know if I can."

"You can, Leah. You just have to let yourself. You have friends that want to help you...let us, Leah. It may not feel like it right now, but you've already taken that first step...you opened up to me."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Pete, can I ask ya something?"

"Of course."

Leah was hesitant to say much more because she had kept things to herself for so long, but talking to Pete was, different. "Back in your room you said that I was still that little girl wanting help and I kept shutting you out. Well can you tell me, if it had been you and Jim back then that found me, what would you have done?"

"Leah, back when you were a kid on the streets, they didn't have the checks and balances in place to make sure that no child slipped through the cracks. The still don't have it down perfect, and maybe they never will; but I can tell you, just as sure as I am standing here, that if it had been Jim or me, either one of us would have done everything within our power to see to it that you were taken care of...that the system didn't fail you. I only wish that I could've been there for you then, Leah, but just because I wasn't then, doesn't mean that I'm not here for you now...I am, and I will be, as long as you need me to be. That's what friends do for one another."

"What do you mean, 'that the system didn't fail me'? I always thought it was my fault."

"Leah, think about it...you were just a kid; kids aren't supposed to take of themselves, they are supposed to be taken care of. You had no family; that made you a ward of the state. The state, the system, they are the ones at fault Leah...not you. You only reacted to the environment that you were put in; and you reacted with survival instincts. Back there in my room, you talked about some of the unspeakable things that you had to go through; no adult should have to endure that, and certainly no child should have to. Trust me Leah when I say that it wasn't your fault; not in the least." Pete moved closer to the bed and placed his hand on her shoulder and she looked down staring at the bed and fidgeting with the edge of the covers.

"Pete, those things that you mentioned, those are the things that I still can't talk to Roy about, not yet. God I wish that I had had someone, a brother maybe that could've been there, someone that is family that I can call when pressures get too much." Then she looked at Pete and said, "Do you have any idea what it is like not to have a Mother, or Father, or even a brother or sister?"

"What happened to your family?"

Leah got a far off look in her eyes as she thought back to that time in her life, "My mom was an alcoholic and drug addict, she was never home. Mostly on the street hustling to gain a dollar for the next drink or the next fix. I found her one morning slumped over the edge of the bed with an empty gin bottle next to her and a needle sticking out of her arm. She was dead, it was a heroin overdose. I was five."

"And your father." Now I really understand where all this hurt and anger came from. Leah you are one strong, woman. 

"Oh he was around from time to time. When Gloria, my mother, died then I was sent to live with him. Well needless to say he didn't want a kid around but somehow I made it there for a couple of years. He drank too but he got mad and mean when he drank. Once he beat me so bad the neighbors called the Police. They came but we were in a bad neighborhood, so I guess they just thought...well, I don't know what they thought or what was said but they left. Then I really got it for getting him in trouble, he locked me in my room but about an hour later I heard a gunshot. I couldn't get out. I was locked in there for about two days until the landlady came to collect the rent and that is when they found him and me. I went to the hospital and then from there my first foster home. It was on my seventh birthday."

Pete didn't say anything but just listened as she talked and told him things that she had not told or uttered to another person. He just wanted to listen, and while she had been talking he took her hand in his and was holding it. He didn't see her as the beautiful young woman that was before him but rather that five and seven year old child she talked about. His heart went out to her, the heart of a policeman. The sound of her voice brought his mind back to what she was saying. "I don't know Pete, it was probably a good thing I didn't have a sister or a brother, I wouldn't have wanted then to go through what I did. Makes it sort of lonely now though, I have a wonderful life, a wonderful husband and two precious kids, and no one I can call up on the phone and share it with; a mom, dad or brother."

"Yeah that can be tough, remember I'm an only child. You can share with parents but there are some things easier to share with a brother or sister especially if they had the same experience. You know, I think in time you will be able to talk to Roy about everything. You and I are a lot alike you know."

"What'd ya mean?"

"Jim says that I clam up when something is bothering me until I can't take it anymore and I explode. Usually something beat related, bad call we respond to or something like that. Kid calls are the worst. It would help to have someone to talk that out with. Jim's my easiest target because he sees and experiences the same things on the job I do...I'm learning with Jillian, but I don't always like to overload her with the really bad ones."

Leah smiled, "Well then if it's a kid call you can talk it over with me, I don't think there is much left out there that I haven't lived through."

"Careful what you offer I might seriously take you up on it, you could give me some insight that I might not always have."

"Anytime Pete, I would love to know that my past actually helped somebody else."

Pete grinned and with a sheepish look said, "Okay its official then!"

Leah was confused, "What is?"

"You are now officially my unofficial little sister. Next time Mom and Dad are in town I'll introduce you to your new parents; boy the look on Mom's face to realize that she finally had a girl after all these years and to deliver a bouncing 5 foot 5 inch, weighing in at one hundred and..."

"Careful Pete, you don't want me to have to hurt you on our first day as family, now do ya?"

Laughing, "Ahh, the sibling bickering begins already! Look I'm gonna get going, Jillian will be worried if I'm gone long and you need your rest."

Reaching out to take his hand Leah said, "Thanks big brother."

"Anytime little sis." and Pete leaned down kissed her forehead, like a brother would do, and felt better than he had in days.

*********************

Back at Roy's door…

Johnny took a deep breath before opening the door and put on his best cheerful smile for his friend, "Hi ya Pally."

Roy returned the smile, "Hey Junior, I sure am glad to see you."

"Yeah it's good to see you; and you're in an upright position too. You've had a lot going on the last couple of days."

Roy laughed, "Well there's been a lot going on to me the last couple of days that's for sure." Then turning more serious, "Johnny I need you to tell me some thing."

"What's that?"

"Just some things that I have been going over and wondering about in my head; how's Leah doing and why won't they let me see her? What are they keeping from me? What happened in Pete's room? "

"Roy, Leah is going to be fine. She was holding in a lot of emotions about the accident, and from what I hear it brought up a lot of baggage from her past from when she was younger. Do you know about that time of her life?"

"No, not a lot, I will mention it and she will just give me general answers, keeps things to herself and says that she just doesn't want to talk about it."

"Well Roy, I think that all those years of pushing it down and not talking about it, plus the fact that she thought that she was going to lose you or you weren't going to be able to walk it all finally reached to the top. There was no more room to shove things down emotionally; that along with the medical condition…."

"What medical condition?"

"Roy, I didn't tell you when I told you she collapsed but she had not slept or eaten a bite in over 48 hours. Pete knew what was going on and cornered her on it; he knew he had to push her. Her anger exploded on him and he took it, then her body was just too weak and she passed out and had a seizure."

Roy sat there taking in all that he had been told and finally said in a low voice, "So Pete did this to my wife?"

"Hey now, back off that, you didn't see her. It was killing her…literally. Dr. Brackett called me in his office when he and Leah were having a confrontation…a fight…Leah took an ashtray and smashed it against the wall and trashed the office pretty good. Then she was puking her guts up. Pete got it out of her and if he hadn't she would have committed suicide by simply letting herself go until she died."

"Why didn't someone tell me bout all this?" Roy's voice was a raised and he was becoming very agitated.

"Because you were out of it, you couldn't deal with right then, but Pete knew how to talk to her. You know how tough she can be. You've seen her lapse back into that street kid when she gets mad about something. When she's angry she doesn't fight fair and you couldn't be there to help her right then."

Roy listened to all that his partner told him and then without looking at Johnny he threw the covers back off the bed and swung his feet over the side. "Johnny, help me get up."

"Roy what are you doing, just lie back down you can't get up, now just calm down." Johnny said trying to get his friend to settle down.

"Look Johnny it doesn't matter what you say if and if I have to do this by myself I will. I am going to Leah! And I'm not arguing about it."

Johnny was silent and still not convinced, "Johnny, get this through your head, I'm either going to run, walk, or crawl but I am going to see my wife; now you can either help me into that wheelchair or get out of my way….what'll it be?"

Johnny knew his partner well enough to know when he had made up his mind and he rolled the chair close to the bedside and helped Roy settle down into it while mumbling, "Boy you sure are determined to get me into trouble…just wait until Brackett or Early sees this! Or Dixie, God help us all if Dix finds out."

Roy looked up at his friend and said, "Just look at it this way, if Dixie gets a hold of you maybe we can be room mates!"

"Ha, ha…very funny!"

Johnny pushed Roy's wheelchair out into the hallway and they took a silent elevator trip to the first floor where Leah was being held in a treatment room until it was determined that her vitals would remain stable. They met Pete coming out of Leah's room. Pete looked just a little shaken upon seeing Roy so abruptly.

"Roy, I was just coming to talk to you. I wanted to try to explain…"

Roy stuck out his hand to Pete, "There's no explanation needed. Johnny told me everything that you did for Leah and I am grateful that you were there for her."

"But I caused this…all of it."

"What? Pete you caused what?"

"If I hadn't stopped when I thought I saw someone you wouldn't have gotten hurt and Leah wouldn't have had to go through all this right now."

"Pete you know as well as I do if the shoe had been on the other foot you would have done the very same thing. It's my job and besides it was a friend. As for Leah, you've been able to understand something that I never have been able to…not having a home, growing up on the streets…you've deal with kids like that all the time and for that I'm grateful. I can't imagine not having a family to rely on."

"Until now." Pete commented.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that Leah and I have decided that we each need a sibling. I was an only child too. So if there are no objections from you or my wife, she is now officially my unofficial little sister and I'm her big brother…so you better watch it bud and be good to that girl or you will have to answer to me." Pete smiled and Roy could see the genuine look in his eyes.

"You got it…and I have no objections to that as long as you two don't gang up on me…and don't worry, I'll be good to her."

Johnny as listening to the exchange between his two friends and interrupted, "You know what we all need? A road trip."

"What?" Roy asked.

"You heard me, a road trip. We need to just pack up our tents, fishing poles, everything we need and go camping in the mountains. Get away from all this, from the city. I think some fresh air and some peace and quiet with friends is what we all need."

Pete's mood lifted with just the thought of it. "You know that doesn't sound half bad. Roy do you think you will be up to it?"

But before Roy could speak Johnny answered, "Sure he will! If I know my old Pally here, he will be ready to go rock climbing in about a week."

"Well Johnny I don't know about that, but give me a few weeks and I do think I can hold my own with a fishing pole."

Pete laughed, "Then it's on…camping trip, all eight of us, I'll let Jim know and we will let you know our days off."

Roy could feel the relaxation already and then turned his attention back to the door in front of him. "Good…but if you will excuse me I think I am going to see my wife now."

Johnny held the door open while Roy rolled the wheelchair into the room and he could see Leah lying there with her eyes closed with a worried look furrowed on her forehead,

"Hey beautiful."

Leah opened her eyes and they swelled with tears as she saw him. "Hey fireman."

"What are you crying?"

"Oh these are happy tears, you're sitting up." She smiled a genuine smile that quickly faded, "Roy there are some things that I need to tell you."

"Okay, but not today. Today is a day for healing…Honey I'm so sorry that I couldn't be there for you."

"You were what kept me going for as long as I did, I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you like I should have been; to support you emotionally, to help you adjust to how things are going to be from now on."

"And how are they going to be?"

"I'm not sure but whatever it is, we will be fine and we will face it together."

"Now that the Leah Hope Chambers DeSoto that I know. That is what I have been waiting to hear." And with that being said Roy locked the wheels on the chair, and slowly moved his feet to the floor. Leah's breath caught in her throat as she watched her husband stand and slowly take steps from the middle of the room towards her.

"Roy, you're walking! When? How?"

"You don't think I would give up taking my favorite girl dancing do you. I got good movement back earlier this morning and 'how' is because you inspire me; you and the kids. Leah, you make me who I am don't you realize that and there is nothing, nothing you can't share with me, or ask from me. You're my life." Roy leaned down and gave her a tender but passionate kiss, which she returned.

"Oh Roy, promise me that we won't live in the past or the future any more, but just live our today's for the rest of our lives."

And with another kiss he whispered in her ear, "Promise."

The End

**********************************

This Emergency/Adam-12 crossover story was collaborated by rookiegirl and myself, and we would like to thank you for taking your time to read it. Once again, we have had a lot of fun with pulling it all together, and we hope that you have had as much enjoyment in reading it, as we have had in writing it. Any and all reviews are welcome.


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